


Under My Skin

by LittleSixx



Series: Touch [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Author Is Sleep Deprived, F/M, Lieutenant Killian Jones, Minor Original Character(s), Minor Prince "Charming" James | David Nolan/Snow White | Mary Margaret Blanchard, Original Character(s), POV Captain Hook | Killian Jones, Parent Snow White | Mary Margaret Blanchard, Parents Prince "Charming" James | David Nolan & Snow White | Mary Margaret Blanchard, Princess Emma Swan, Romantic Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Young Captain Hook | Killian Jones/Young Emma Swan, Young Emma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-16
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-01 20:28:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5219708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSixx/pseuds/LittleSixx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The royal line of Misthaven is always established through a soul bond. It happens so rarely outside the line the commonwealth believe it to be no more than legend. According to the myth, any unnatural impression on the skin immediately appears on one's soulmate as well. When Lieutenant Killian Jones wakes up with the name "Emma" repeatedly scrawled across his arm in purple ink, everyone seems to give him more questions than answers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if this type of soulmate thing has been done before, but I read the idea somewhere and thought I'd give it a go. No beta, so please ignore typographical errors and my dialogue-heavy prose. Comments and critiques are always welcome!

Lieutenant Jones was woken up by the shouting of, “ALL HANDS ON DECK!! WE’RE COMING TO PORT IN THE NEXT FIFTEEN MINUTES!!”

He liked his crew well enough after ten, but before then, he hadn’t had nearly enough rum. He groggily threw his legs over the side of his bunk and rubbed his eyes. He leapt down—the landing was a bit wobbly, but he stood on both feet and considered it a success. He fixed his hair and was about to grab his uniform jacket when he saw his left arm was mostly purple. For several moments, Killian only stared. The same word was written repeatedly, varying in size but of the same penmanship. “Emma,” He sighed. “This isn’t possible.” He noticed a small flower now adorned his left wrist and that’s when he lost it.

“Oi!” He shouted. “Which one of you lot thought this was funny?” Lieutenant Jones was met with blank stares until he pulled up his shirtsleeve and put his arm out for display. There was a collective gasp and someone said,

“Here!” Before tossing him a damp rag. “Try to wash it off.”

Droplets of water fell onto his forearm before he attacked it with the cloth. He rubbed until his skin was red but none of the ink disappeared. Frustrated, he threw the cloth on the ground and noticed another word had appeared, this time on his hand: “STOP!”

“Bloody hell!” Lieutenant Jones muttered, until the full magnitude of the situation hit him. “Bloody hell!” He shouted. “Get into port!”

He fell silent. Lieutenant Jones felt nauseous, a sickening feeling nothing to do with the gentle port-to-starboard rocking of the ship. Normally it calmed him, but at that moment … He glanced at the tattoo on his right arm. _I’m not ready_ , ran through his mind. Another crew member said,

“You’ve got a soulmate.”

“God, help her,” Lieutenant Jones muttered.

.oOo.

As the crew disembarked the naval ship minutes later, they were met with whispered gossip and restrained chaos. Everyone went about their daily routine with whispers of, “Did you hear about the princess?” Everywhere there were hushed voices, as though the whole kingdom refused to speak the truth aloud and confirm it.

Lieutenant Jones approached Captain Smith who was talking to a member of the royal guard.

“Captain?”

“What, Jones? I’m busy,” Came the gruff reply.

“Certainly, sir.” He turned to walk away when the captain grabbed his hand.

“Stop? What is th—“ He fell silent and pushed up Killian’s shirtsleeve. The captain’s eyes widened and he immediately turned to the guard. “Take us to the palace.” When the guard didn’t move fast enough, the captain smacked the back of his helmet and shouted, “NOW! We need an audience with their majesties immediately.”

The palace guard led them five minutes’ walk to a carriage, where the occupants were told in no uncertain terms their vessel was being commandeered. Compensation was assured, and that was the most information Lieutenant Jones received on the journey. Captain Smith, normally stoic, was sweating. He was nervous and uncertain, two things one never wants in a captain on land or sea. Minutes into the carriage ride through a lush forest, he could almost make out the tops of castle turrets above the treeline. Unable to contain his curiosity any longer he asked,

“Sir, what are we doing?”

“Shut it, Jones.”

“Are we truly to have an audience with the king and queen?”

“I’m warning you Jones.”

“What does any of this have to do with my soul—“

“Lieutenant, if one more word comes out of your mouth I will chop off your arm and no one will know you even have a soulmate, let alone that she’s the—“

“She’s the what?” The lieutenant asked, even more intrigued. The captain let out a deep breath and sighed.

“Just keep quiet. I haven’t the faintest idea how this works, so if you could please just … Just be quiet. For once in your life, shut the hell up, Jones.”

.oOo.

They arrived at the castle a half hour later and Lieutenant Jones was hustled into the throne room. Captain Smith knelt and pulled the lieutenant out of his reverie onto one knee.

“Rise,” The queen demanded. They obeyed and the captain said,

“Your majesties, I apologize for the abrupt request, but I only just heard of your recent misfortune—“

“Yes, so make this quick so we can get back to our search,” King David snapped.

“Apologies for my husband, he and Emma are very close.” Queen Snow added, “Are you here to assist us?”

“Well we may have a way to find—“

“Emma?” Lieutenant Jones asked, all pretense forgotten. He turned to his captain. “My Emma? What would she be doing at the palace?”

“What does he mean, ‘my Emma?’” King David interjected. The captain tried to speak,

“Well, I—“

“Yes, this is very intriguing,” Queen Snow said.

“Do you have a development, Captain?”

“Yes, he—“

“I still don’t understand what I have to do with any royal busi—“ The captain cut Killian off by forcing up his left shirtsleeve. King David went white, and a quiet gasp escaped from Queen Snow.

“It’s not possible,” King David said. Snow smiled,

“I think it’s wonderful! This will be so helpful, we’ll have her back by nightfall.”

“He’s a lieutenant in the navy! He’s a sailor!” King David dismissed his audience with a lazy wave.

“You forget, Charming, you were a shepherd.” The king pouted a bit as she added, “And I was a runaway. A thief. And he …” Snow paused and glanced at the sailors. “What’s your name?”

 “I am Lieutenant Killian Jones, currently sailing aboard the HRH EVA of Misthaven.”

“Killian. Such a wonderful name.”

“Your majesties, if you’ll permit me, why am I here. What do you know about Emma? I didn’t even … I didn’t know this soulmate nonsense—“

“It’s not nonsense.” Snow said forcefully.

“—was real. If you please, tell me why I am here.”

 “We will take it from here, Captain. You will be summoned if we again require your services.”

“Your highness—“

“Return to your crew, captain,” King David commanded. “This information is to remain in strict confidence until Emma has returned.”

“Yes, your highness. And she will return, I am certain.” With that, he glanced at his lieutenant knowingly and turned on his heel to leave the chamber.

.oOo.

Why Killian found himself in the royal study was a mystery. The queen sat in a chair behind a desk as the king stood at her side.

“Lieutenant Jones, may I call you Killian?” Snow asked.

“Yes, your highness.”

“You aren’t from Misthaven, are you?”

“No, ma’am,” Killian said.

“Care to elaborate?” King David snapped.

“Only if it’s necessary, your highness.”

“What does that mean?”

“Life prior to my time on the EVA was not happy, and the memories are not ones I am prone to sharing.”

“You shall share anyway,” Snow said.

“My father was a sailor and my mother died when we, my brother and I, were little. One night, my father abandoned us. Just me’self and Liam out there on the open sea. Years later, I enlisted in the navy to crew alongside him. I’d only just joined a few months before we were sent on a mission to Neverland. Wretched place, that it is. We discovered the king’s reason for sending us there was … Immoral, I suppose, is the best word. Unfortunately, my brother didn’t make it out alive. While others will tell you it wasn’t my fault, it was. I was too blind and careless to recognize …

“At any rate, I learn from my mistakes and refused to serve under my king any longer. I hopped from navy to navy. I am a damn good sailor and finally found a kingdom I believe I can honourably fight for.” Killian took a deep breath and waited. Queen Snow smiled.

“The royal family of Misthaven has never had a problem finding happy spouse for its heir. Part of the magic of our family is the soulmate tradition. Any mark made on your skin will also be made on that of your soulmate.”

“So why—“

“So why does your arm say ‘Emma?’” King David interrupted. “We can only assume it’s because she needed you to know her name. Otherwise you would have never been brought here.”

“Okay, I understand that’s your tradition. How does it affect me? It’s not possible for your Emma to be my Emma.” Queen Snow was taken aback.

“Of course it is!”

“I know of her, but I’ve never met her,” Killian insisted. “I can’t imagine a princess would want to be forever pledged to someone who has barely set foot in her kingdom, let alone someone she’s never met.” King David rolled his eyes, sighed deeply, and said,

“Enough with the small talk, Emma is missing.” A chilling silence followed.

“What do you mean, missing?” Killian asked.   

“Our daughter likes to … venture,” Queen Snow said.

“Emma likes to run off and do dangerous things to give me a heart attack, is what she means,” King David amended.

The explanations, the briefing, continued in that manner. King David was restless, constantly shifting his weight from one foot to the other while making snide remarks. He eyed Killian up and down several times, probably looking for weaknesses should Killian do anything to harm the princess. Queen Snow vacillated between joy and apprehension as Killian provided as many details as he could about his past. Not that at twenty-four he’d had much of one. No living family—closest thing he had was the crew on board the EVA.

“How are we to prove this is really Emma, though?” King David asked. “His soulmate could be trying to tell us something else. Maybe—“

“Charming, you know it’s not likely.”

“But not impossible,” King David insisted. Killian sighed and held out his arm for their inspection.

“This is all I have, your majesties, and I’d wager I know less about this than you. Is there anything to confirm this is your Emma?”

“The writing is similar …” Snow trailed off, she forced back a smile. “It’s her, Charming, look.” King David grabbed Killian’s arm with more force than strictly necessary, and immediately nodded.

“What? What is it?” Killian asked, cradling his arm, studying it for clues.

“The flower on her wrist,” King David sighed, ”Is our family crest. It’s her. It’s Emma. And now we need you to help us find her.”

“I will, sir.” Killian nodded. He tried to stand, but his legs wouldn’t move. He couldn’t will them to move. He looked at his hands and asked, “Do you have …” The words caught in his throat, so he tried again. “May I …” No luck there either. Queen Snow looked at him, understanding in her eyes.

“Do you want some air? We can escort you to Emma’s room, she has a balcony.“

“We are most certainly not taking him to Emma’s room,” King David said. Killian stood, suddenly, more forcibly than he intended, the chair making a cringe-worthy scraping sound as it flew backwards.

“Your majesties, I am here to serve at your pleasure. I respect your authority and how you govern, but … If I may be so bold, right now ruling is the furthest thing from my mind. There are things … Things in my life of which you are not aware and I would like to keep it as such. I haven’t been very fortunate in love and was not looking to go venturing back into that arena any time soon.

“Now this is sprung on me. I’m destined to be with someone whom I have never met. I’m certain she’s beautiful and strong, but this isn’t …” He sighed, then huffed, thinking better of explaining his misfortune with Milah. He adjusted course.

“Three hours ago I didn’t know I had a soulmate and now not only am I bound to this one woman, she’s a princess, she’s missing, and I am the only one who can find her? This is a bit much so, yes, I need some air.”

.oOo.

“I don’t trust you,” Killian told the fairy puzzling over his arm.

“If you did, you’d be a fool,” Blue replied. “But I am happy to say I can clear this away.” She waved her hand over his arm and the ink disappeared.

“Does this mean it’s gone from Emma’s arm as well?” He asked. Blue nodded. “So, if I write something, she’ll see it?” She nodded again before turning to the king and queen.

“I am afraid this is all the assistance I can provide. The location spells are not working, which means she must be in a place shrouded by magic.”

Killian pulled the Blue Fairy aside and asked,

“When they told me any unnatural markings on my skin will be seen on hers, does … Would that, hypothetically, include a tattoo I had before this magic activated?” Blue nodded and Killian sighed deeply. Emma knew about Milah and he had yet to even meet her.

King David placed a quill and some ink on the desk in front of Killian.

“Write,” He demanded. Killian dipped the quill and paused.

“Should I … Should I say hello?” He asked, warily. Snow smiled, almost kind of sad. She opened her mouth to speak but King David cut her off.

“Ask her where the hell she is. That’s it.”

“I don’t—She doesn’t know who I am.”

“Doesn’t matter. Ask. Ask now!” King David nearly shouted. Killian obeyed and took his time writing each letter on his arm.

“We don’t have time for you to practice your calligraphy, lieutenant,” King David snipped.

“Only get one chance to make a first impression, mate.”

“I’m not your mate.”

“Right,” Killian said as he finished _Where are you?_

Soon, writing appeared underneath his message.

_Who are you?_

Their royal highnesses practically draped themselves over Killian’s shoulders to read along.

_Specifics later, love. Please tell me where you are_.

“Love?” King David asked. “A bit presumptuous, there, _mate_.”

“Yes, your majesty,” Killian replied tersely. They waited a few minutes before more purple appeared and they quickly sprang into action.

_Lake Nostos_


	2. Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Princess Emma's been taken captive by the guardian of Lake Nostos. Killian attempts to rescue her from a watery grave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta, so please excuse the typos and grammar-related errors.

At the start of the day in the wee hours of the morning, Lieutenant Killian Jones would not have known how to describe the day as it would unfold. As the sun began to dip below the tree line on their journey to the mystical Lake Nostos, one word came to mind: bumpy. Bumpy seas, bumpy roads, and he was about to bump right into another relationship because an ancient magic thought he and Emma made a nice pair.

Killian was so sick of destiny he could vomit. Not the best idea while riding in the royal carriage with their majesties, so he stared out the window. The forest was enchanting. Leaves of the brightest green with trees that nearly touched the clouds, shrouding the sun.

“For someone who spends most of his time on a boat, you’re awfully intrigued by nature,” King David impeded on Killian’s thoughts. He absentmindedly fiddled with the ring he wore on a chain around his neck.

“Don’t let anyone fool you into thinking the sea isn’t a force of nature.”

More silence followed, and silence was dangerous because Killian could drown in his own thoughts if he wasn’t careful. Normally he’d shut them out with a bit of rum, but without that option he tried to focus on his surroundings. The awe-striking trees and the small clusters of cottages with children helping their parents prepare for dinner. It was all foreign and Killian ached to know that life. That level of serenity, the comfort of knowing your loved ones would be there come morning. A love strong enough to combat any possibility of abandonment.

That trail of thought lead to dark places, and he knew it. Somehow, even the endless forest felt constricting and he longed again for the wide-open water.

“Tell me about this place, “Killian demanded, the formalities of royalty forgotten.

“Lake Nostos?” Snow asked.

“Misthaven,” Killian corrected.

“Ah,” She smoothed out her skirt. “Well, it’s our kingdom. Lovely, you can see. The evil queen, Regina, lives on the outskirts west of here, and that’s about all the real danger there is. We keep out most of the trouble.” She looked at King David with, well, bliss. “It’s paradise.”

“Regina’s father died some time ago. Natural causes, remarkable he held on as long as he did with that family of women.” That earned King David a slap to the skull.

“Don’t speak so poorly of her. She had so many chances to hurt us and she didn’t. Restraint, Charming, can be a virtue.”

“So is patience, Snow. Regina has that, and I can’t rest easy knowing we still allow her dark magic, but your prerogative here, you know that.”

“I don’t believe she’s the only dark beast you’ve got hiding around here,” Killian said. “In fact, I think we’re heading toward one.” When neither the king nor queen met his eyes, Killian sighed. “Bloody hell, is there something else you’ve been keeping from me? What’s got Emma?”

“The water of Lake Nostos has magical properties. Healing powers, the whole bit,” King David said.

“Well, that doesn’t sound bad at all.”

“It’s guarded by a fearsome creature. I killed the last one but that was over … Well, nearly twenty years ago.”

“What, so now you believe there to be another?”

“I’m sure you’ve had more experience with these creatures than I have, being a sailor and all.”

“There’s many a creature in the deep blue, mate, you need to give me more than that.”

“It’s a siren,” King David said. “It is guarded by a siren and I’ve already taken water from the lake. It’s not likely I’ll get past it a second time, so this is on your shoulders.” Killian could feel all the colour draining from his face. It was like someone had dropped icy water on him, everything went cold and then it went numb. King David smiled,

“Don’t worry, lieutenant, you don’t even know what Emma looks like, so she can’t trick you with her image.”

“It’s not Emma I’m worried about,” Killian said, which unleashed a torrent of questions from the royal family he didn’t bother responding to. There were two people the siren could emulate and take Killian’s willpower away. Living every day without them was agony, but he looked himself in the mirror and saw a survivor. Could he look a siren in the eye and do the same?

_Doubtful_.

.oOo.

The rest of the way to Lake Nostos, Killian found himself praying for something to appear on his body. Anything saying, “I’m alright.” “False alarm.” “It’s all a test.” “I would never force you to do something so dangerous to prove a love you can’t possibly have,” but it never came. His arms (and even legs because he looked, just in case) remained free of magic.

“We leave you here,” King David said, opening the door to the carriage. “It’s just down that path, a couple minutes’ walk.”

“Lieutenant Jones,” Queen Snow grabbed his hand, “I have faith in you. This is a private affair, between you and Emma. I’m truly, so sorry you have to meet under these circumstances but you will bring her back to us. I know it.”

“When we met, Snow hit me over the head with a rock,” King David shrugged. “Look at us now. You’ll be fine.”

“Aye,” Killian looked King David square in the eyes, “If I’d had to spend one more minute with you two sickening lovebirds, I’d have handed myself to the siren.” He lowered his voice so only the king should hear, “If I’m not back before sundown, you’d best get back ‘round to the castle.” The king nodded and Killian took his leave, sure if he didn’t start on the path at that very moment he’d take one step and run like hell it in the other direction.

God, it was so green. Perhaps an hour before sunset, the lake was cast in an eerie golden glow that filtered through the trees. Killian sighed deeply and shrugged off his uniform jacket, throwing it aside. Knowing what was coming didn’t make it any easier to face, but he did it anyway. He felt something tingling, something foreign running through his veins, like liquid courage as he stepped into the lake. It was rather small for a lake, but he had no doubt what it lacked in width it made up in depth.

Four or five steps in, he shouted,

“Princess Emma! I am here for Emma!” The water moved on its own, ripples extending toward the edges as the wind picked up. Killian rolled his eyes, “Where are you, siren? I know you’ve got her. Make yourself known to me, demon!” His voice shook but a strength, not his own, kept him in the water, combatting every instinct in his body telling him to run.

About twenty feet away, the water began to bubble. Lieutenant Jones withdrew his sword as two heads nudged through the water. The siren had black hair and lips he wouldn’t soon forget, but his attention was fully on what could only be Princess Emma. He knew she’d be gorgeous, but he hadn’t expected her to be quite so brave. The siren had one arm around Emma’s waist, and held a dagger to her throat. The princess was naively brave, though her hands and feet were tied she wasn’t shaking at all. _Putting her faith in me may be the worst, and last, mistake she makes_.

“What’s your name?” The siren asked. Killian laughed,

“Don’t play games, you already know it.”

“Yes, lieutenant,” She teased. “Would you like to know mine?”

“No, I’d like for you to take your hands off the princess.”

“Mmm, he is a dashing one, isn’t he?” The siren whisper-shouted into Emma’s ear. “I told you he would be, but is he as brave as you need him to be?” Emma tried to shout over the gag in her mouth to no avail. “I suppose we’ll have to see then, won’t we?”

“I will not fall prey to your deceptions, demon. Now unhand her and we shall leave without any harm to your …” He struggled to find the words, “… precious abode.”

“You believe yourself immune to me?” The siren asked.

“I know it.”

“Drop your sword,” It demanded. Killian stared in reply. “Drop your sword and I give you both the opportunity to leave,” It repeated. Seeing no other option, Killian tossed his sword and scabbard toward the shore and Princess Emma rolled her eyes heavenward.

“Good little brother, always a servant to the sea and its creatures.” Killian turned around and saw exactly what he feared. Where once was the siren then stood Liam holding the dagger. Ignoring the surprised look on the princess’s face, Killian responded,

“I will not be tricked. You are not my brother!”

“Oh, aren’t I?” Liam—the siren—pressed the dagger more tightly against Emma’s throat and small droplets of blood slid down her neck. “I could be. You could come with me and see him again. Don’t you want that? Don’t you want to be with your family, lieutenant?”

“More than anything in the world,” He admitted.

“More than her?” The siren—Liam—the siren nodded toward the princess in his arms. Killian shook his head.

“No,” He said firmly. “No. I’m a survivor, as is she. I can tell.” Killian blinked and,

“As am I,” It said in a female voice that nearly made his heart stop.

“No …” Killian’s knees nearly buckled as Emma stared at him in confusion. His head began to spin. Standing in front of him was Milah, his first love, first betrayal, holding a knife to the throat of his princess.

“You are an illusion,” Killian reminded himself.

“Sometimes illusions are better than the truth, Killian.” Milah teased. “Everything you want that you can’t have …” She loosened her hold on the princess and Killian took in her full appearance. It was Milah, head-to-toe. The saltwater-soaked brown hair and seafoam eyes that rescued him from the depths of loss years ago were right there.

“I can have it again. My bed’s not been idle these last years.”

“I’ve no doubt. But then, you had a good teacher.”

“She was a liar! You lied! What you did destroyed any innocence I had left!” Killian didn’t bother to pause for breath as he barreled on. “Any hope I once had for love is gone. Life has been one loss after the next but you—I didn’t just lose you, I lost me. The only thing I have left is my sense of honour and I shall not surrender it to you, Siren or otherwise.”

While somewhere deep in his mind he knew it wasn’t real, the urge, the want for it was far greater. “I can give you love. I can give it to you.” The siren removed the dagger from Emma’s throat and egged Killian on.

“All you have to do is kiss me.” She flung Emma aside and the princess fell immediately below the water, but Killian failed to notice as Milah continued, “I know you want to. I can feel it.

“No,” Killian insisted before those all-too-familiar lips met his and he allowed himself to be caught up in it. Only for a moment, only to revel in what he could no longer have. The crackling heat was all too real. He ran his hand up her back, over her shoulder, as he’d done so many times before. Second nature, his fingers breezed down her arm until they locked around the dagger and he pulled it from the shocked siren’s hand. Killian whipped the blade across the siren’s throat before she could blink, and watched as blood ran the water red.

“Big talk from a soulless monster. Milah in death as she is in life, and now I am done with you,” Killian muttered over the siren’s sinking body.

“Emma?” He asked, warily. No reply. “Emma?” He asked again, more urgently. He whipped around, looking for any sign, any ripple of indication, seeing none until—“Yes!” He dove under the water and swam until he saw blonde hair and bright green eyes. He wrapped an arm around her waist and kicked until they broke the surface.

Killian cut through the ropes tying her wrists and removed the gag from her mouth.

“I’m going to swim us to shore, alright? Just hold onto me, love.” Emma nodded and sagged against him as they made their way to the water’s edge. Emma collapsed on the sand as Killian finally cut the ropes binding her ankles. He turned around to retrieve his uniform jacket and when he looked back, Emma was standing over him, his own sword pointed at his throat.

“Who are you?”

Princess Emma was nothing short of striking. Her wet blonde hair, nearly to the middle of her back, clung to her face. She had eyes to match the golden-lit trees behind her and, he noticed, a small flower tattoo on her left wrist. It was the way she held a sword that most intrigued him. She’d had lessons, that much was obvious, but she had a confidence that couldn’t be taught. A confidence, he assumed, came from her royal title. Killian sighed,

“Sorry, love, could we not do this now? I’m a bit exhausted. That,” He gestured weakly. “That wasn’t exactly easy.”

“Maybe I don’t need answers. Maybe I just need to stab you in the throat.”

“Didn’t peg you for murder on the first date, princess. Anyway, I prefer to do more enjoyable activities with a woman on top of me,” Killian said seductively. Or what would have passed for seduction had the princess not been ready to gore him.

“Are you him?”

“Who?”

“If you have to ask, you don’t know.”

“Alright, Swan. Is it alright if I call you that? Princess is a bit formal for me. Yes, it’s me. I’m him.”

“Prove it.”

“I don’t—“

“Prove it!” Emma shouted.

“Alright, fine,” Killian sneered. “The woman with the knife to your throat? That was Milah.”

Emma dropped the sword.


	3. Part III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Princess Emma Swan can yell almost as well as she can draw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta, so please ignore the grammar and spelling errors.

“You are him,” She whispered. Whether to herself or him, he didn’t care, but she lowered the sword and allowed Killian to get to his feet. Once standing, he bowed and said,

“Lieutenant Killian Jones, your majesty.” Emma nodded and turned away from him, nervously running her fingers through her hair. She wrung it out and Killian stared, transfixed, but didn’t say anything. After a few minutes he wordlessly offered her his uniform jacket, the only article of clothing between the two of them that wasn’t completely soaked. Their “Here, love,” and begrudging “Thanks” were exchanged silently as Emma wrapped the jacket around her shoulders. She paced a bit, mumbling,

“I need to hit something. I need to punch something. Something is going to feel pain.” Killian narrowed his eyes,

“You alright, Swan?”

“NO! No, I am no alright!” She pulled the jacket tighter. “I get—I get one shot at this. One. Heir to the throne and my future is planned out for me right down to my soulmate. And it’s you! You’re in love with someone else. That’s, that’s great lieutenant.”

Killian knew he should have been angry. He should’ve stormed off like he did every time someone mentioned Milah. But there was something she wasn’t mentioning, something that made her susceptible to assuming the worst.

“You’re quite presumptuous for someone who just met me.”

“I heard the siren,” Emma countered.

 _Aha!_ Killian cocked an eyebrow and smirked.

“So who did it turn into for you?” Had she still been holding his sword, Killian doubted he’d still have a head. He decided to press his luck when heat crackled under his skin. An angry fire burned there; he couldn’t feel his damp clothes clinging to him. He kicked off his boots, picked them up along with his scabbard, and headed toward the path back to the carriage.

“Where are you going?!” Emma shouted.

“Leaving,” Came the terse reply.

“No, you’re not,” Princess Emma commanded. Killian stopped and turned to face her.

“Am I not?” He angrily threw his boots to the ground. “You may be princess, Emma, but for as little as you know about me, I know nothing about you! You just saw a very potent reminder of the most painful part of my life, and I’ve been running from it for five years!”

“You wouldn’t understand if I told you,” Emma said, her resolve obviously fading.

“I’d know more than you think. In fact, I can take a guess at why you’re angry with me.”

“You’ll be wrong.”

“Will I?” He challenged. “You were burned in love, I can see it. You loved someone and they didn’t return the favour. You’re an open book, Swan. He left you. You opened up to him and he left, didn’t he?” Killian knew he should quit, stop pressing her, but he couldn’t.

“How—“

“Because I see you, Emma, and even if I couldn’t, I feel you. You’re here under my skin and I can’t get rid of you! It’s not the soul bond, no, that’s just the surface. This is you!” Killian realized. “You have magic! Since I awoke this morning you’ve been there and … And how dare you attack me for having been in love when you did the same damn thing! It’s why he left, isn’t it? Your magic—your power. He was afraid.”

“You’re dismissed, Lieutenant.”

 _Shit_.

That wasn’t what Killian intended. It wasn’t even what he wanted to say, but seeing Milah in the flesh threw him over a ledge.

“Princess …”

Silence.

“Emma, I apologize. Truly, I shouldn’t have said those things.”

More silence.

Princess Emma was a fearsome combatant in conversation. One more wrong word and she could be lost to him forever. She would need tiptoeing. Baby steps. Slight nudging to topple those walls she’d built around her heart. Seeing through them was one thing, but breaking them down … While he didn’t exactly like her, Killian didn’t want to let her go. He went to great lengths to save her and didn’t approve of wasted effort.

Lieutenant Jones lived by one rule in conversation as in combat: never make the first move. First to move made the first mistake every time, so Killian just waited. Finally, she said,

“I needed to hear that, but you should go.” Killian nodded toward the path.

“We should go. Your parents are waiting and we’re both a little …”

“Damp, yeah,” Emma conceded. They walked shoulder-to-shoulder back along the path.

“He was wrong not to trust you, Princess. Know that,” Killian said. “All this time I’ve spent running away from love and today was no different. It was your bravery, not mine, that kept me from turning ‘round every step of the way.” His knuckles brushed against her hand as he opened the carriage door. “Magic makes you dangerous, but it also makes you exceptional.”

She seemed a bit lost for words after that. Not that she had much time for talking as Queen Snow nearly trampled King David in a rush to hug her daughter. She wrapped her arms around the princess as King David looked over them fondly. Finally, Snow let Emma go and he went visibly from “king” to “dad.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and cradled her wet head in his hand. He smiled, kissed her hair (cringed a bit at the taste), and ushered her into the carriage.

Many “We’re so glad to have you back”s were exchanged between “Don’t do anything like that again” and “You’re an adult and expected to make adult decisions.”

The image of their reunion was seared into Killian’s mind. That feeling from earlier came flooding back. Family meant uncharted waters. Family was a risk with the grandest of rewards and he’d wanted it for so long he’d given up hope of actually having one. Love was unkind but … Maybe it wasn’t. King David’s look of relief didn’t fade the entire ride back to the castle.

It was the look Killian imagined he’d have if any of his loved ones had returned to him alive. He just wasn’t destined for life—or was he?

Didn’t matter.

He and Emma told the king and queen what had happened in very broad terms before Killian listened in as Snow and Charming doted over her.

.oOo.

Bloody waste of time, that was. Princess messing with his head—sending him on a rescue mission only to send him out to sea the next day.

“He has a job to do,” She’d said. Yeah, he had a bloody job to do. Serve the crown which hadn’t gotten any easier when he’d been unceremoniously carted off to the HRH EVA the previous night. Queen Snow insisted,

“You’re part of the royal line, now. You must stay, learn the kingdom!”

“He really isn’t and he really shouldn’t,” The princess countered.

“She’s right,” Killian responded. “I don’t know how this soulmate business usually works, but if Princess Emma doesn’t want me here, I shan’t intrude further upon your time.”

“He has a job to do.” And that was that. No time to dry his clothes or anything, simply whisked off to set sail at first light.

Immediately upon boarding the ship, the crew dropped to their knees in a mock bow. 

_Bloody hell, who tattled?_

“Prince Killian, how wonderful to see you’ve graced us with your presence!” They jeered.

“Jones, didn’t think you had it in you!”

“What’s a princess see in you?”

Lieutenant Jones smiled, stifled a yawn then snapped to attention. He lifted his right arm and said,

“Rise.” The crew obeyed and Killian burst out laughing. “You bastards! The princess wants even less to do with this soulmate business than I do. I’m here to serve the crown.”

“Oi, I bet you could find many ways to service that crown, mate,” One of his crew mates leered. Killian crumpled the man’s shirt and pulled back his fist.

“One more word against Princess Emma’s honour and you’ll have more fingers than teeth when I’m through with you.” He let go of his fellow sailor and shouted to the rest of the crew, “She’s been hurt before. I don’t want to be next in the line of men to do that and you all know I’m more of the bed-and-leave variety. My family doesn’t live in any castle, it’s here aboard the EVA. But do not disrespect the royal family around me. They are good people. Now, if you excuse me, I am off to the royal bedchamber,” Killian joked before making his way down to the bunks.

As he stripped off his wet uniform and pulled on a spare, Captain Smith lumbered down the stairs.

“Jones!” He shouted. “What the bloody hell are you doing back aboard this ship?”

“Obeying orders from the castle, sir,” Killian quipped. Captain Smith lowered his voice,

“That bad, eh?”

“She knows a little about Milah,” Killian said gravely. “The minute Emma realized I was in love with someone else, she shut down.”

“You’ve heard the legends, Lieutenant. This isn’t something you can wave off. It’s there, it’s permanent, it’s fated. You are fated to be together. I’m telling you this not as your captain, but as the man who pulled you off a floating piece of wood in the middle of the goddamn sea. Don’t squander this, Jones.”

“She told me to come back here. She ordered me to return to my ship, so here I am, Captain. My home is the sea,” Killian said before throwing himself into the nearest bunk space, effectively ending the conversation.

.oOo.

Emma Swan was an artist. More adequately, a doodler. She didn’t tell Killian this, but she didn’t need to because the evidence was all over his body.

The first day they set sail to a nearby kingdom, Killian didn’t know what to expect. Nothing happened for most of the day, so he assumed the bond had broken. Could she do that? Could she change destiny? Could he?

Apparently not.

The first drawing was simple. One he probably would have made on his own, eventually. He was rolling out a map when a stem appeared below the flower on his left wrist. He watched (along with his crewmates who snuck glances over his shoulder) as Princess Emma added dimension to the petals and shaded them—details appearing entirely of their own accord.

.oOo.

The next day he was organizing munitions in the hold when lines began to criss-cross on his arm. He watched with rapt attention as the lines kept drawing themselves, taking form across the whole of his forearm. Soon, he smiled to himself when it became clear she was drawing a ship. She even added some waves at the bottom.

Killian rushed over to the desk in the corner—the one where they kept the charts. He rifled through drawer after drawer until,

“Hah! Yes,” He pumped a fist and dipped the quill into the inkwell. Steadying his left arm on the desk and carefully positioning the quill, he scribbled “HRH SWAN” in the tiniest letters along the ship’s hull.

He stashed the quill and ink in the back of the lowest drawer for safekeeping.

.oOo.

On the third day, it occurred to Killian that this must be normal for her. He imagined the princess these last few years, writing on herself all the time, hoping for a response. Killian thought of her drawing all over her arms, and probably her feet when she couldn’t wear sleeves.

He was adjusting the EVA’s sails when she went to work on the other side of her arm.

More of the crew watched and, while he didn’t stop moving his arms to complete his task, every now and then the drawing would get bigger and a crewmate would shout out what they thought it would become.

“It’s gonna be a bear!”

Then it became a game.

“I’d wager it’s a duck!” Another one shouted.

“Nah, it’s certainly an intricate series of—“

“Shut up, book boy! It’s a bird and that’s that.”

Lieutenant Jones couldn’t keep the smile from his face because he’d worked out what it was almost immediately. He already had the ship, so she was giving him a swan.

.oOo.

Killian Jones took to wearing Emma Swan’s work like trophies. He could imagine a story behind each one, and that was the most fun he’d had in ages. When his thoughts meandered toward a dark road, another sketch, another drawing would appear.

On day four, she covered his entire left hand in waves.

On day five, Killian found a mermaid on his leg. He smiled to himself, imagining the brave Princess Emma hiding somewhere in the castle, cross-legged with a look of intense concentration on her face.

And that’s when he decided they could be friends. At least, he would try to be her friend.

On day six, Killian awoke to see both his legs covered in drawings. Some of them were familiar—more water. Others, though, were most definitely by Emma for herself. She must’ve been deep in thought. There was a dreamcatcher. Killian saw her name across his foot in the same purple penmanship that had introduced them. There was a compass pointing north, a sword, and a tiara among other things. Many of them were small and imperceptible as though she’d kept at it until her eyes wouldn’t stay open. Killian liked seeing that side of her. Princess Emma was much easier to like when she wasn’t shouting at him.

.oOo.

After a week, the drawings stopped.

After two weeks, Killian wondered what had happened. Was she mad he hadn’t responded? He had in bits and pieces. He’d compliment a drawing by writing “good form” or “well done, Swan.” Perhaps it wasn’t enough?

Three weeks in, the return voyage began, and the crew would get eerily silent around Lieutenant Jones. They’d call him “Killian” instead of “Lieutenant” or “Jones,” like they sensed something was off.

They all cheered when the month was over and Killian was the first to step ashore in Misthaven.

“Shut up, ya bleedin’ hearts! Let the man go see his girl,” Captain Smith teased as a knight hurriedly approached.

“Lieutenant Killian Jones?” He asked. Killian smiled,

“Aye, that’s me.” The knight wrapped a hand around Killian’s arm and rushed him toward a group of knights on horses. “What the devil is going on?”

“Our orders are to take you straight to the castle, sir. It’s the princess. She’s fallen ill.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and criticism always welcome.


	4. Part IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Oh, sometime's I get a feeling ... And something's got a hold on me."
> 
> AKA
> 
> "Killian talks to himself a lot."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was surprisingly difficult to write, and without a beta I'm not sure how it reads. So ... Enjoy?

What frightened Killian most about his brother’s death was the stillness. Liam Jones, unstoppable in life was immobile in death. A contrast so glaring, Killian could barely stand to look at his brother’s body.

When he was rushed (escorted) to Princess Emma’s room, it was impossible to believe it was the same young lady who yelled at him only a month before. Her hair was dull and tangled, her under-eyes were purple, her skin gaunt. Cross-legged in the middle of her bed and absolutely still.

“Bloody hell, she’s catatonic,” Killian whispered to no one in particular.

“She’s been like this for weeks,” King David said, appearing suddenly at his shoulder. “We’ve asked everyone we know for help. The fairies are useless and even Regina wouldn’t assist us.”

“Nice to know I’m a last resort,” Killian replied.

“It would’ve been easier had you not been aboard a ship two weeks’ journey away.”

“Where you lot sent me!” Killian shouted. He took a deep breath and turned to Queen Snow. “Your highness, please fetch me some water.” Pleased with something to do, the queen rushed off and quickly returned with a goblet. He sighed and walked toward the edge of Emma’s bed.

Massive, sprawling thing it was. Wider than it was long, its impossibly soft-looking sheets a rumpled mess. Lieutenant Jones took off his boots before gracelessly scooting toward the middle. Aware their majesties were still observing the interaction, he said,

“Princess Emma, love, you’re thirsty. At least drink some water.”

Nothing. No movement. Time to shrug off the formalities.

“Come on, Swan. It’s me. Drink!” Killian added, “Please,” as he put a hand on her shoulder. Emma whipped her head around so suddenly Killian jumped and splashed some of the water down his front.

“Dammit, Swan,” He sighed. “Here, give me your hand,” Killian gently took her hand and wrapped her fingers around the goblet’s stem. Emma’s eyes focused on his hand around hers. “Hold that and try not to spill it. Be right back, love. Promise.”

Killian crawled off the bed and gestured for the king and queen to leave the room with him. In the hall Queen Snow worried aloud,

“She hadn’t moved a muscle until now, like she was frozen. How did you do it? What is wrong with our daughter?” She had a death grip on Killian’s arm.

“Your majesty,” He said, not trying to break free. “I have an idea, but you need to trust me.”

“If you think we are gonna leave you alone with our daughter in her bedroom, you’re out of your mind.” King David tried to conceal his concern with a laugh. Killian shrugged out of the queen’s grasp and faced him,

“Sir, I may not have given you any reason to like me, but I have given you every reason to trust my word. I am a man of honour, if nothing else. I would never betray Princess Emma’s trust like that. I dunno what she needs, but there is a lot going on in her head right now.”

“So you read minds now?” King David quipped.

“I expect your majesties know more about this than you’re willing to let on.” He thrust his arm into their view to show it matched Emma’s line-for-line. “You may have good reason for keeping it from me. A test of true love or some rubbish like that, but do not mistake me for a fool. Something's got a'hold of her and it won't let go. Right now I intend to be the princess’s friend, so have you got more comfortable clothes anywhere?

.oOo.

Minutes later, Killian returned to Princess Emma’s bedroom to see her positioned exactly as he’d left her. He sighed.

“Did you even blink? Not sure where your mum dug these up from,” Killian gestured to his nightclothes and shut the doors. Admittedly, they probably belonged to King David at some point. Stuffed away in the back of a wardrobe somewhere. The loose-fitting pants and cotton work shirt felt heavenly in comparison to his naval uniform.  

He glanced out onto her balcony and smiled,

“Always meeting at sundown, aren’t we?” He sucked a breath through his teeth and meandered to the edge of her bed. “I’m not sure how this works,” He confessed. “But I’ve got an idea, and I’m going to try it.” Killian gingerly got onto the bed and slid to the middle, directly in front of Emma.

She didn’t blink.

“Look, love,” He took the water goblet from her hand. “I’m taking this because I want to hold your hand, alright?” She didn’t respond, but he hadn’t expected her to. One more deep breath and he wrapped his fingers around hers. Emma’s eyes widened briefly before she doubled over, panting like she’d just released a breath she’d been holding for weeks. Which, in a way, she had. Killian hoisted her up, balanced an arm across her back, and tipped some water into her mouth. She swallowed a couple mouthfuls then sagged against his shoulder.

Killian laid her down gently, but when he let her go to put the cup on her bedside table, she froze again. Completely still. Killian stared and asked (rhetorically),

“What is going on in your head?” He took Princess Emma’s hand again and her shoulders slumped as she nestled further into the sheets. “Yeah, I bet you’re exhausted after all that, aren’t you? Do you know why you need to touch me?” Killian asked.

No response.

“Of course not. Alright, well … I don’t generally sleep with friends, but I’ll make an exception this time, yeah?” He cocked an eyebrow and tilted his head.

No response.

“Really, Swan? I’d assumed you were quite the talker, what with all the shouting you did when we met.”

No response.

“Alright, you’re tired. I get it. Here—“ Killian pulled the sheets up to Emma’s chin with one hand, then planted himself atop the duvet. He pulled their tangled arms above the blankets as well. “I’m knackered. Let’s call it a night.” Killian smiled at the princess, who was already sleeping. But she was breathing. The first signs of life were shining through—her cheeks were turning a light rosy colour and her eyelashes fluttered with each breath.

 _A man could get used to falling asleep like this_.

Whoa, where had that thought come from? Killian chalked it up to being in such close proximity to royalty and pushed the thought aside. After all, he’d never so much as looked at a bed this nice. He laced their fingers together and whispered,

“I’m not letting go, love. Just sleep.” Killian fell asleep before the sun was fully below the horizon.

.oOo.

 _Bloody hell, it’s hot_.

 Killian could barely breathe, almost as if there was something on top of him constricting airflow. He cracked an eye open and immediately closed it. Both eyes then, took in the mass of blonde hair sticking to his neck, his face and even a little bit in his mouth.

He grimaced and pulled it out gracelessly with his free hand. Looking around the room, Killian finally put together where, exactly, he was. Princess Emma had freed herself of the sheets and curled into Killian like her life depended on it. Her face rested against his chest, one arm thrown across his abdomen; he couldn’t tell where his legs ended and hers began. Thankfully, she’d stayed away from certain areas, so no problem on that front.

“Swan?” Killian asked. Emma didn’t respond except to curl tighter into him. “It’s—“ Killian noticed sunlight streaming in through the windows. “Oi, princess, it’s well into morning! Must be at least ten already if it’s shining through the windows over there.”

No response.

“Princess? Emma, love, if you’d just for a moment … Are you feeling up to a little walk?” Killian suggested. Emma raised her head and nodded slightly.

“Fantastic!” Killian escorted her off the bed and held out his other hand. “We’re both a bit sweaty. Want to switch sides?” Another nod and Emma took Killian’s free hand before dropping the other.

“So much better already,” Killian said, impressed. “Sleep is the nectar of the gods, you know.”

No response.

“And we’re back to this. Follow me, Swan. We’re going to visit your parents so they can see I’ve not ravaged you.” Killian eyed her up and down, taking in her messy hair and chapped lips. “On second thought, they’re going to have to take my word for it.” He noticed the door to Emma’s bedchamber was open. “Or perhaps they’ve been in already. Your father’s a right—“ Emma cut him off with a glare.

“Well, that’s the most emotion you’ve shown yet, so we’ll call it a success.”

Killian really hadn’t the slightest clue as to where Emma’s parents might be. Hell, he barely found the staircase before Emma took the lead. Not that she made a conscious effort, more like her feet were dragging the pair where they needed to go. They found the king and queen outside, taking a walk in the castle courtyard.

Her parents were awestruck when they saw Emma approaching, albeit rather slowly. David ran to his daughter who instinctively dropped Killian’s hand to wrap her arms around him. She went rigid, but Killian caught her before she fell backward.

“Easy, Swan. This arm’s mine,” He said, twining their fingers again.

“That’s um …” Queen Snow began.

“Odd,” The king finished. Killian sighed.

“This isn’t normal, right? This doesn’t happen with … With everybody in your line?”

“No,” Snow shook her head. “I’ve never heard of this before. You have to, what? Keep touching her?”

“Aye,” Killian nodded. “Else she retreats back into her head.”

“Well that’s …”

“Odd,” Queen Snow finished.

“You said that already,” Killian pointed out. “And I think, princess, here, is still very tired.”

Emma nodded.

“So we’re going to spend the rest of the day in bed, yeah?”

Another nod.

“Good.”

“Thank you, Lieutenant Jones. We didn’t know what to do, and you were our last hope. I’m so,” Queen Snow looked at her husband. “We are so grateful you’re here to help. Very heroic of you, always coming to the rescue as you have.”

“No, your majesty,” Killian insisted. “I’m just here to serve the crown and,” He looked at Emma. “To be a friend.”

“A good friend you are,” King David awkwardly clapped Killian on the shoulder as they turned to leave.

“I’ll send someone up to draw Emma a bath, Lieutenant,” Queen Snow tossed over her shoulder.

“No funny business, young man,” King David said.

“Of course, your highness.” Not that Killian required reminding of his honour on such a persistent basis.

“Thank you again, Lieutenant.”

Once they were out of earshot and back in the castle, Killian said,

“I think they’re tiptoeing around me.”

The princess nodded.

“Why do you suppose that is?”

She raised her shoulders. A shrug? That was new.

“I don’t know either, Swan. I don’t know either. It’s almost like they want to scold me for touching you, but they know I’ve saved you. Maybe that’s it, because that’s what bothers me. You’ve never needed saving before now. Always Emma saving herself, so why do you suddenly need me?”

Princess Emma shrugged again.

“Full of answers today, aren’t you, Swan?” Killian joked as they walked into Emma’s bedchamber. She gestured to her bathroom where a handmaiden was already preparing a bath.

“Bloody hell, how’d she get here before us?” He answered himself, “Ah, that’s right, because you move at the speed of a three-legged turtle.” Killian swore he saw a smile flash across Emma’s face for the briefest moment. He cleared his throat and addressed the handmaiden,

“Ma’am?”

“Yes?”

“How is this going to work, exactly?” Just as the words left his mouth, he saw Princess Emma’s mischievous grin. Next thing he knew, she’d thrown a towel over his head. He could feel her shaking with laughter and couldn’t help but smile himself.

Getting her undressed was quite the feat. With the handmaiden’s assistance Emma jostled from hand to hand, pulling the towel from his head only once she was in the water, completely covered in bubbles. Princess Emma rested her head against the edge of the tub, one arm hanging over the side grasping at Killian’s fingers.

“I don’t mind touching you, you know,” Killian said. “I’ll never be distressed having such a beautiful woman in my grasp, alright? All you have to do is ask and I’ll be here.”

Princess Emma nodded.

“Good,” Killian said. The handmaiden went to work, scrubbing Emma all over as she, presumably, couldn’t do it herself. “You’ll be strong enough soon, Swan. I promise,” Killian found himself saying.

“You know, you never answered my question from the lake. Who did the siren turn into for you?”

Deafening silence.

“It’s got me thinking, and I’m just going to wade around this thought puddle since you’re not exactly ripe with conversation. Your father said he’d been to Lake Nostos and already killed the siren. So why would you go back there? It doesn’t make any sense because you knew who it would become. You knew it would bring pain.

“So why go at all? Unless you didn’t want to. Unless someone was making you—“ Killian was cut off by the handmaiden accidentally flinging a damp rag into his lap. He gingerly handed it back and was met with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. Killian ignored her in favour of his thoughts.

“Someone made you go there. Is someone manipulating your magic, Emma? Is that what’s happening?” The grip on his hand tightened and the princess practically jackknifed up from her resting position. Her eyes wide, her fingernails digging into his hand, Killian fought to keep his eyes level with hers because she’d clearly forgone the cover of bathwater. But her message was clear,

 _YES_.

 _Bloody hell, that’s it_!

Princess Emma was fighting an internal battle with her own power. His only thought was, _How can I help?_

.oOo.

If the crew of the HRH EVA could see their own Lieutenant Jones, they’d laugh so hard they’d forget to breathe. He figured it must be quite the sight. There they were, Princess Emma between his legs, her back to his chest and his hands at her waist. Funnily enough, it was one of the least sensual things Killian had ever done. He was acting as her backboard while she braided her wet hair. And there was a lot of hair. He could feel Princess Emma’s curves through her satin robe and absentmindedly ran his hands up and down her sides, running his fingers across her back or rubbing his thumb in small circles.

“Look, Swan—Emma. Emma, I know you can’t tell me a lot about yourself right now. Here’s what I do know. I know your parents are heroes. I know your father killed the siren at Lake Nostos to help someone else. I know he pretended to be his brother and was willing to marry someone he did not love to save a kingdom. I know your mother, when faced with the person who had most wronged her in all the realm, spared Regina’s life because no one had ever shown the Evil Queen such mercy.

“Now, if you ever tell your father I think he’s a hero, I’ll deny it. But this is your family, love. I know they’ve taught you well, and I trust that whatever fight is going on up inside that head of yours right now—you are going to win. You are stronger than you imagine, Emma Swan.”

Silence.

But a comfortable silence.

“My father, you see, wasn’t nearly as brave or as kind. He abandoned me and my brother on our boat. Up and left in the middle of the night. Calm seas, and not a trace of him on the water.” Killian wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer to his chest. “It ruined me, love. The one person who needed to love me just up and left. And I want you to know, I’m never going to do that to you. No one should have to go without someone they need, alright?” Killian took her left hand in his own, lining up the pattern of waves on his hand with hers. He rubbed circles on her wrist with his thumb. “If you need me—my hands, my touch, I’ll be here. Don’t ever fear I won’t be.

“That battle inside your head, Swan. It can't just be your own, you're fighting for something else. Someone else’s power versus yours. That’s light magic against dark magic. Only, what could they want from you? Why would anyone want to hurt you?”

That earned him another shrug.

“What do you s’pose our soul bond is? Light or dark? Or different?”

Emma shrugged again.

 _Wait_.

“Wait. Wait! Emma! That’s it!” Killian kept contact with her as he crawled to her front. “I know I can help. Let me help.” He grabbed her right arm. “There’s too much power in you, right now. God knows I can’t alleviate the darkness, but you can share the load, Emma. Put your burden on me.”

At the princess’s look of confusion, Killian repeated,

“The soul bond. Give it to me. The whole damn thing. Alleviate that problem and focus on you.”

Emma looked at him and he saw her question, _What about you_?

“I’ll be fine, love. What’s the worst that could happen?”

No response.

“Still skeptical, I see. Emma, please. If you are cursed, as we seem to think you are, then you need your strength. Right now I am the distraction, so give it to me and fight your own battle.”

After a minute of staring back-and-forth, Killian didn’t know what Princess Emma was trying to figure out. But she acquiesced.

At first, Killian didn’t know what was happening. The drawings on Emma’s arm began to fade. Eventually, even the waves’ edges on her fingertips disappeared and Killian felt a pleasant warmth where his hand touched her arm. It spread throughout his body, overtaking everything from his heart to his eyes, and it was bliss …

… Until it wasn’t.

Everything was shut out of focus except one: Princess Emma. His world had shriveled to the size of this one person and he felt not just something, but everything.

Immediately, Killian knew this had been a very, very bad idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and criticism always welcome. Especially for chapters like this one (that are incredibly experimental for me), if you have lengthy comments feel free to message me on Tumblr at queenofstarkness. 
> 
> Also--this is the first multi-chapter fic I've not abandoned after three chapters! Cause for celebration in itself.


	5. Part V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More dialogue-heavy prose.

“Killian?” Emma asked. He seemed more surprised at her voice than she did.

“Swan?” Princess Emma nodded and looked at her arms which were, well, bare. He continued,

"I'd almost forgotten what you sounded like. It's damn good to hear your voice again. I quite fancy it when you're not yelling at me."

“You did it,” She whispered. Through a soul bond-induced haze, Killian asked,

“That surprise you?”

“Well, we aren’t exactly friends. We don’t even know each other.”

“We’ll get there, Swan,” Killian assured her.

“I feel so much better; I don’t know what’s happening to me. Thank you,” Princess Emma said, sincerely. Killian raised an eyebrow and licked his lips. He didn’t know why he suddenly felt so at ease around Emma, when before it was all light touches and nervous questions.

“Perhaps gratitude is in order, now.” Somehow the suave sailor part of his brain was outweighing the honourable naval lieutenant.

“Yeah,” She dismissed. “That’s what the ‘thank you’ was for.” Emma massaged her temples and leaned against Killian for support.

“Is that what the power of speech and mobility is worth to you?” He joked. The princess laughed quietly,

“Please. You couldn’t handle it.”

“Keep deluding yourself, Princess. You’re the one who couldn’t handle it.” Emma looked up at him and suddenly the air crackled with tension. Before Killian could process what was happening, Princess Emma fisted the collar of his shirt and pulled him down into a kiss. He opened his mouth to say something, probably her name, but no sound came because Princess Emma’s mouth was on his and every synapse in his brain ceased to function.

Operating purely on instinct, lips met, then broke apart for the briefest moment to breathe before meeting again. Killian gently cupped the back of her head with his hand but forgot about it and let it fall because, bloody hell, Princess Emma was kissing him. She’d taken the lead and all Killian could do was follow, totally awestruck by how possessive her lips were of his. Stunned as her tongue snuck into his mouth for the briefest moments.

When she finally ended the kiss, Emma didn’t move back much. Killian’s eyes were closed but he could feel her breath on his face and she still had hold of his shirt. Their noses touched because, damn, he couldn’t pull away. Neither could she.

“That was …” Killian began. Emma pushed him away and scrambled into her bathroom to get dressed.

“A one time thing.”

Killian heard the words, but didn’t really process them. He was sweating. Admittedly, the thought of kissing the princess again got him a little warm, but sweat soon began dripping down his face.

“Swan, is it incredibly hot in here to you?”

“No, why?” She emerged from the bathroom in riding pants and a grey top.

“You look good.”

“God, Lieutenant, what’s going on? You’re turning red.” Emma used a sleeve to dry Killian’s face a bit, not that it did much good. She cupped his face in her hands and asked, “What’s going on? What do you feel? I didn’t even know I could do that—passing this onto you.”

“Swan, I think I’ve got not only my feelings to deal with now, but yours too.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means I have an overwhelming desire to protect you and kiss you—you’re quite good at that, and I want to kill any man who has ever made you cry. Then there is the pulsing need for you to love me which is crushing me more every second. On top of all that, I feel like I’m roasting on an open flame in hell.”

“It must be the bond magic, then,” Emma said, completely ignoring the implication of Killian’s words. She shrugged. “Easy solution; I take it back.”

“No! You can’t. If you take it back, then you’ll go back into your catatonic state and I’m not going to hold onto you for every second of your life, Swan. That’s not what you want for yourself.”

“Why do you think you know me?” Emma asked. “Why do you think you can say these things to me?”

“Because I do know you. I told you, I can feel you under my skin and, to be honest, you burn like hell.”

“Shut up, Lieutenant.” Princess Emma sighed. “I’ll go get the … I’ll go get help, alright? We can’t keep doing this on our own.” It was Killian’s turn to shrug.

“I kind of liked figuring things out with you.”

“And I kind of liked that you made me feel safe,” Princess Emma replied. At that, Killian’s heart swelled nearly to the size of his ego. “You … Stay here.”

.oOo.

Soon, the heat was too much to bear. Every emotion Killian had ever experience was churning inside him with the destructive force of a cyclone. He fiddled with the taps in Emma’s bathtub, stripped, and sat inside as freezing water filled the basin. He lied back, then allowed his head to slip underwater.

_When will she return?_

Not soon enough. The water was calming, but not cooling. It wasn’t reaching Killian’s core, and the heat was coming from his very centre, his essence.

Though Princess Emma was likely on the far side of the castle, Killian heard her voice in his head. It drowned out even the running water. Internally, he didn’t know where Emma’s feelings ended and his own began, as it seamlessly blanketed every conscious thought. If this was overpowering, all-enduring love, the gods could have it back. Killian had no idea what to do with all the anguish and the want of her he had inside. The ache of desire filled him entirely and he hadn’t the faintest idea how to force it out.

An hour later, Killian had curled into himself, well past prune. He’d heard somewhere that there was no happiness or sadness, just comparisons of what he’d already experienced. In love, all Killian knew was pain. So why would he be surprised his supposed soulmate had the power to finally crack open his soul and fill it with unimaginable agony?

Princess Emma returned much later.

Too late.

“We found a fairy who knows of this … This thing.” Emma gestured between herself and Killian. “What’s happening now is the soul bond isn’t meant to be housed in one vessel. It’s overpowering when it’s split, so now it’s searching for another soul to attach to. It’s not going to find one, so it’s devouring yours.”

Killian had worked most of that out on his own, but couldn’t find his voice to say it.

“We have two options, then. Well, one, really. I can take it back and you’ll go right back to normal. Normal Lieutenant Jones. Of course, then one of two things happens. I either go back to battling the dark magic in my head or I let it take over. Considering how weak I will be, I can’t imagine I’ll put up much of a fight.

“Scenario two is you die. It’s not an option, so give me your hand.” Emma stretched her arm over the water, but Killian didn’t offer his hand. He remained in the fetal position, resting his head against the side of the tub.

“Dammit, Killian!” Emma shouted. “Give me your hand! We’ll get through this. You’ve helped me out twice now, so I’m doing this for you.”

“Emma,” Her name burned in his throat as he choked on his words. “Love—If I am freeing your mind, freeing you, let me go. This is easy—I’ve watched loads of people die. I’m sure I’ll be just fine at it,” Killian forced out a laugh. “Let our bond die with me and you can choose love for yourself,” His voice quieted. “I know, I know that’s what you want. For both of us … Free of fate at long last.” His eyes closed, seared shut by the white-hot energy pulling him toward an unknown darkness.

.oOo.

Oh, God, the pain.

Shockwaves, everywhere. Everything was alive and on fire.

Emma grabbed his hand and the touch froze his veins. Not a numbness, but the crystallized absence of her. Where he’d held her emotions in tandem with his own, he only felt himself. Once you set love loose, accept it, it devours your essence like wildfire. And even though he had released Emma’s part of their bond, Killian still felt her under his skin, burning white hot.

He forced his eyes open.

_I’m still here_.

He glanced at his hand and the person holding it, eyes wide.

“Emma, what have you done?!”

“Me? What have I done? What have _I_ done?!” She dropped his hand and left as she shouted, “Trusted you, is what I’ve done, Lieutenant.” Killian got out of the tub, dried off, dressed, and intended to continue their argument.

“I gave you an out, Princess.”

“And I didn’t take it, Lieutenant.”

“Why not?” Killian demanded. Emma took a breath.

“Because that’s twice you’ve saved me now and the least I could do was return the favour.”

“I didn’t ask you to.”

“You didn’t need to.”

“Do you feel it? Did you do it? Concede the battle in your head, I mean,” Killian asked and the princess nodded in reply.

“I don’t feel any different. I feel, well, I feel fine, actually.”

“For now.”

“This is a gift, to you, Killian.”

“A gift. For me? How do you mean?”

“I’m trusting you to save me from the darkness again. I am giving you my trust.”

“Princess Emma, I have been running from darkness a long time. Fleeing that temptation, I’ve never faced it head-on and won.”

“Yes you did. The first time we met.”

“I told you, Swan, that was all you.”

“The soul bond only emphasizes feelings that are already there, Killian. You were brave that night because you have courage. You needed something to fight for.”

“And you think that’s you, do you?” Princess Emma looked ready to tear her hair out in frustration.

“Can’t you just accept that I wanted to keep you here?”

Oh. That was new.

“I hadn’t realized that.”

“No, you hadn’t,” She retorted. Just then, a familiar bright blonde head poked into Emma’s chamber.

“If you lovebirds are done, may I come in?” She asked. Killian smiled.

“Well, if it isn’t the lost fairy herself.” Killian welcomed her into a hug.

“In the flesh,” She joked in reply.

“What are you doing here, Tink?” He asked, wrapping his arms around her tightly and lifting her just a tad off the ground. He definitely saw a look of jealousy on Emma’s face.

“The royal family needed a fairy familiar with the magic of true love.”

“And that’s you?”

“Don’t look so surprised. I am an expert in the field.”

“Yes, uh, Green here was the one who explained to me the problems we were having?”

“Green?” Killian asked.

“Professional title,” Tink chimed in.

“I’m sorry, how do you two know each other?” Emma asked.

“Our paths crossed in Neverland, Swan. About six years ago. Tinkerbelle, here, was stuck on the island and she bartered passage off on our ship.” A dark look crossed Killian’s features. Those memories did not lead to a good place.

“Exactly how far did your paths cross?” Emma asked.

“What, Swan? You jealous?” Killian couldn’t help but laugh.

“I don’t get jealous,” Emma replied.

“Don’t let him talk so big, your majesty. My version of ‘bartering’ was holding a knife to his throat.”

“I’ll remember that next time.”

“Alright, I just wanted to let you know to summon me if you need anything. Have any questions or want to spare me from Blue.” She turned to Killian. “It’s so nice to see you again. You look …. Happier.” Tinkerbelle grinned. “And I anticipate my wedding invitation will arrive any day now.”

“Whose wedding?” Killian asked.

“Yours of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and criticism always welcome!


	6. Part VI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bumpy seas ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure what the protocol is for "trigger warnings," but I know some people are stickler for it. This chapter is the reason I selected "Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings." I really don't think it's that terrible (bad writing, maybe), but if you're easily triggered I suggest only reading the first section. 
> 
> More dialogue, which I'm sure you're all loving. (#Sarcasm)

Killian narrowed his eyes.

“To whom am I betrothed?” He asked, though he knew the answer. Tinkerbelle looked around nervously,

“Perhaps I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Oh, no, please,” Killian baited. “Enlighten me.”

“It’s only … Their majesties implied you two were well on your way to working things in that direction.”

“You’re a terrible liar, Tink.”

“Alright, they said you are getting along and expect a wedding is in your future.”

“Is that right?”

“I think it’s best I go,” Tink said. Killian turned his glare on Princess Emma.

“Yeah, you should leave. I have a conversation to continue with my fiancé,” He spat. Princess Emma followed their guest out the door.

“Thank you for all your help, Tinkerbelle.”

“Any time,” She replied, and flew away like she couldn’t leave quickly enough. Tink knew Killian well enough to know whatever was coming was not good, and he was right on Princess Emma’s heels.

“Is this what you do? Is this how you all operate all the damn time?” He shouted.

“I’m not sure what you mean,” Emma said as Killian brushed passed her and headed down the staircase toward the main gate. He had every intention to leave and never return.

“You lie. You lied to me. A sin of omission.” He turned to face her. “Are we betrothed, Emma? When you said your future was planned out for you, is this what you meant?” Princess Emma nodded and Killian resumed his walking at a speed bordering on frantic.

“I thought we could be friends. I thought I had an option … I don’t know what I thought, but I know I could never live with someone like you!”

“Someone like me?” Emma shouted back. “What do you mean someone like me?”

“I was willing to die for you, Swan! To give you the freedom to choose who you want to be with.”

“Don’t pretend I was the biggest factor in your decision, Killian.”

“I think it best, Princess, you keep my name out of your mouth at this moment.” If that stunned Emma, she didn’t show it and kept pace with him.

“You said so yourself! ‘Dying is easy.’ You don’t want the responsibility of having to love me. The responsibility that comes with caring for me. You never learned how to properly love anyone.”

“Oh, and you have?” Killian argued. They stopped then, in the castle’s entrance hall, as Killian turned on her again. “You’re so desperate you kept me here, denied me my choice, because you need someone who has to love you!”

“You don’t know me!” Princess Emma shouted.

“And you don’t know me, Swan!” Killian’s chest heaved, his breath coming in short, loud bursts as he carried on. “All you know is what I’ve told you and what you’ve seen. You never even asked about me, my life, my family—“

“I was vocally impaired, you ass!”

“—you just decided to not only deny me my choice in death, but are keeping me here saddled with the responsibility of making sure you don’t allow someone else’s magic to control you!” There were actually quite a lot of people in the castle’s entryway. Some merchants, a couple honoured guests from nearby kingdoms, and many servants. But Killian continued despite the audience. “Perhaps your previous lover was right and your magic is too reckless.”

“Neal was desperate for a title, Lieutenant!” Emma revealed. “That’s what he wanted. He didn’t care as much about me, but it didn’t matter because he was kind. He understood me in ways you seem to have forgotten. He would go on adventures with me to foreign lands and never felt the need to rescue me and that’s why I fell in love with him. He gave me this necklace,” She reverently touched the silver circle pendant on her chest. “Now I wear it as a reminder to be grateful for love while I have it.

“You were wrong about my magic. I’ll admit he didn’t like it. The thought of powerful magic made him sick, but that’s not the reason he left me. After a year together, he got antsy because my name never appeared on his skin. He couldn’t feel me, only my magic. When Neal realized he wasn’t my soulmate, he left. You may want to blame me, Lieutenant, but you are the reason Neal left. You are the reason I lost my first love! You are the reason I know your pain!”

Princess Emma’s breathing was as labored as her partner’s. Neither of them noticed the crowds gathering around the edges of the room, the pair insulated within their argumentative bubble.

“I hate that you had to rescue me,” Emma said. “I hate that I needed you to care for me. And right now, I hate myself for needing you to do it again.”

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t try and make sense of this soulmate nonsense! Don’t use it to blame me, and don’t hate yourself because you think you need me.”

“I do need you,” Emma admitted.

“Why would you think that? Your bravery is the first thing I noticed about you, and it’s the last thing you should have expected from me.”

“I was five when my mother told me about the soul bond. She said when she first met my dad, she couldn’t stand him. He was arrogant and too good-looking to be interested. He was engaged to another woman, but when my mom tried on the engagement ring she knew it would be hers. She felt it in her bones, Killian. My dad did, too.

“The next time they met, my father had the word ‘SNOW’ winding its way around his ring finger. The bond doesn’t create emotions, Lieutenant. It emphasizes those you already have. Don’t you stand here and pretend you don’t care for me. Don’t you dare do it, because I will not lose you. Not now. You have my trust and it’s not something I give freely, easily, or at all.”

“I didn’t ask for it!”

“You think I asked for this?” Emma responded.

“I think it’s embedded in you, Swan. You’re powerful and unstable.” Emma closed the few paces that separated them until she was close enough to Killian to feel his breath.

“You told me that, the first time we met.”

“Aye, I did.”

“You also said I was exceptional.”

“Perhaps I was lying.”

“No, Lieutenant, you don’t get to take that away from me!” Emma screamed. She looked Killian in the eye and quietly said, “I am asking you to rescue me.” Then she turned on her heel and left.

.oOo.

The bubble popped, and Killian was left alone, surrounded by at least thirty people. He made a swift exit, or re-entry as it were, to the castle, and headed toward Princess Emma’s bedchamber. He got lost along the way, peeked into a couple different rooms, and ran into his and her majesty.

“I thought we may have heard some trouble in paradise, Lieutenant,” Queen Snow teased. Killian scowled,

“I am very much not in the mood to speak to the pair of you, your highness. But if you must, proceed.”

“Lieutenant, we have done nothing—“

“Precisely. You have managed to tell me a lot of nothing. I don’t appreciate being kept in the dark like this. You told Tinkerbelle we were getting married? I’ve known Emma, really known her, for all of two days. The sun is about to set on day two and you’re off planning a reception.”

“It doesn’t normally take this long,” Queen Snow said, worried. “It’s been over a month since your first meeting and …” She trailed off.

“Emma’s never done anything the conventional way, sweetheart,” King David teased. “Lieutenant, there is nothing you need to know that you don’t know.”

“Fantastic. Emma’s not my fiancé. We are not engaged. We just had a huge argument—“

“Oh! Maybe they’re more on schedule than we thought,” King David laughed. Even Snow giggled, but Killian walked away.

.oOo.

He finally spotted Emma’s door and saw a half-finished mug of hot chocolate on her bedside table.

“Swan?” He asked, but received no response. “Swan, where are you? I thought you’d be here.” Killian peeked into the bathroom, then her closet, but she was nowhere to be found. He saw the sun setting out one of the windows and remembered, _The balcony!_

When he took the first step onto the platform, his heart stopped.

“Swan?” Princess Emma was sitting on the rail that trailed around the edge of the balcony, her feet dangling four stories off the ground. There was no internal debate about whether she would do it. He knew. Killian gently walked toward the edge, wrapped an arm around her waist, and tried to pull her back over before she could process what was happening.

Then all hell broke loose.

Princess Emma screamed and ran her fingernails across the arm holding her waist. Killian gripped her tighter as she kicked her legs and tried to jump back over the side. He wouldn’t let her. She tried to pull his arm off as he pulled her inside. She dragged her feet the entire way, shouting,

“No! No, let me go!”

“Never.”

As soon as they were back inside the bedchamber, Killian shut the balcony doors with more force than strictly necessary. The king, queen, handmaiden, and a few additional servants made their way into the room.

“We heard screams,” The handmaiden said, looking at Princess Emma with a curious expression on her face. Queen Snow gasped.

“What’s wrong with her eyes?”

Princess Emma’s eyes were completely white, as though her retinas and pupils had disappeared. It appeared frighteningly like Emma was a ghost. He waved a hand in front of her face but it prompted no reaction. As Killian stared, the film began to dissipate and Emma’s eyes refocused. She stood and addressed the small crowd,

“I am fine. You may leave. This was all a misunderstanding,” Princess Emma smiled. Killian noticed it didn’t reach her eyes and grabbed her hand.

“Emma, are you sure you’ll be alright?” King David asked.

“Yeah, Dad. Don’t worry. I’ll be fine. Compared to this time yesterday, I’m fantastic!” She said, feigning enthusiasm. Neither of her parents looked convinced, so Killian nodded toward the door and said,

“It’s been a long day. The princess needs to rest now,” And he ushered them all out as they insisted Emma let them know should she need anything. He shut those doors and turned to Emma.

“Can you go one day, just one? Your parents never mentioned a proclivity for this sort of thing.”

Emma only stared. Killian didn’t know what to do other than wrap his arms around her in a hug. Then the princess lost control and began sobbing into his chest. Killian patted her hair as between sniffles she said,

“I don’t—remember anything! I can’t—couldn’t see anything.---Like I was possessed.--I don’t think I have—control—of my brain anymore.”

“Shh, love,” He patted her hair. “Everything’s going to be alright.”

“I trust you,” Emma whispered. For several minutes they stood there, Killian silently reassuring Emma it would “be okay.” He realized she was right and he’d never really cared for anyone before. The days had been so up-and-down, he hadn’t had time to figure out his feelings for Emma.

He liked her, unquestionably. Emma hadn’t had any part of the soul bond when she kissed him, so he figured perhaps she could see him romantically after all. Killian began to hope she would. That kiss was pure instinct, as everything he did around Princess Emma seemed to be. Holding her was the most natural thing in the world; comforting like the gentle rocking of a ship.

Comforting like home.

Perhaps yesterday he’d have said that was the soul bond talking, but if what Emma said was true it was already there. This was someone he could save, unlike Liam. Someone who could romance him, given the time, better than Milah. Most importantly, Princess Emma had proven (opposite to his father) only would she not willingly leave, and she wouldn’t allow him to.

“Emma, you remember what else I told you at the lake?” Killian asked. She nodded into his chest. “I said you were a survivor.” He took the chain from his neck and draped it over Emma’s head. She studied the ring between her thumbs and forefingers.

“It was my brother’s,” Killian explained. “I want you to keep it as a reminder that I’m here. Even if you can’t see next time that darkness creeps into your head, you can feel that I’m with you. I will be, I promise.”

.oOo.

As he nestled into Princess Emma’s silk sheets, Killian Jones prayed for a peaceful day. _Just_ one, he asked. Perhaps if his relationship to Emma wasn’t constantly thrown for a loop by near-death, she could make this place livable.

If anyone were to ask why Killian and Princess Emma fell asleep holding hands, they would agree it was force of habit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and criticism always welcome. It's 3:00 in the morning, so please bear in mind I didn't have time to edit much and am sleep-deprived.


	7. Part VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta, so please ignore grammar and spelling errors. Also, more dialogue-heavy prose!
> 
> See the companion work in the series for the story from Emma's point of view.

When Killian Jones awoke the next day, his right side was much warmer than his left. Emma was, again, curled against him, legs wrapped around his and her cheek rested on his shoulder like he was made to be there. His eyes followed the chains around her neck, and watched where his longer one dipped below her nightclothes. Oh, God, a part of him was very near certain parts of her and … Deep breaths. Emma was so close, he was beginning to weather a problem in his nether regions.

Killian lied there for a few minutes, savoring that for the first time in a month he woke up without any sense of trepidation. It felt like the day may, in fact, be normal. Or, as normal as it could be when his supposed soulmate was a princess.

.oOo.

Breakfast was hell. Killian felt King David’s glare any time he wasn’t looking. Before they sat down, Emma’s father pulled Killian aside to say,

“I’m going to try to like you, Lieutenant, but you’re sleeping in the same bed as my daughter, so don’t get your hopes up.”

Killian wouldn’t disagree. He didn’t get the chance to reassure the king of his honourable intentions. Then, Queen Snow began an obnoxiously unsubtle line of questioning.

“Are you happy to be back in Misthaven, Lieutenant?”

“Yes, your highness.”

“Snow, please,” She insisted.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Are you finding your, _accommodations_ adequate?”

“I’ve never imagined finer sheets in my wildest dreams, your majesty.”

“Are you happy to be with Emma?” She prodded.

“Mother, please,” Emma sighed. Killian replied,

“Aye, I am very happy she has,” He shifted uncomfortably, “Elected to share the burden.”

“Share the burden?” King David asked. Killian sighed.

“Neither of us is thrilled to be forced into this position.”

“Not that it’s a burden,” Emma amended. That was new. Since when had Emma considered the stars’ alignment anything less?

“You’ve had a change of heart, Swan,” Killian muttered.

“More like a change of mind,” Queen Snow injected. “Your heart’s always been in the right place.”

“Mom, if you could please just stay out of it—“

“If you would just talk to us, Emma—“

“He’s here, alright?” Emma said a little too loudly. “Killian is here because I need him here. Dad, he’s a true gentleman. I mean it. There’s nothing physical between us.” What a lie. Everything between them was physical, if not romantic. “Mom, we aren’t you. I’ve saved him, he’s saved me and that’s all. We are surviving. We’re not in love. I don’t love him.”

Ouch. That … That hurt more than Killian cared to admit. Of course, he knew she didn’t love him. How could she a month in? That would be ridiculous. Wouldn’t it?

They may be soulmates, practically betrothed. Killian may have saved Emma’s life twice. He may have been willing to die for her ability to choose who to love. Emma may have chosen to save him instead. But that wasn’t love … Was it?

“Apologies, your majesties, but Princess Emma and I are leaving now.”

“Leaving?” King David asked. Emma stared at Killian quizzically. Killian grabbed her hand and said,

“Yes, leaving.”

.oOo.

Anger, in that situation, was counterproductive. Killian felt it growing inside, eating at him like a parasite. Anger at Queen Snow for questioning him so bluntly in front of Princess Emma. Anger at King David for not trusting him when he had every reason to do so. Finally, anger at Emma for being so blatantly resistant.

The sea washed it all away. The water was remarkably still, almost unmoving, like Princess Emma next to him. Killian practically dragged her to the carriage and demanded they go to the port because he needed a break and “damn well know you need one, too.” She stood with arms crossed, tensed against some unknown force. Killian ignored her and focused on the horizon. The sun had risen hours earlier, so everything was bathed in its glow. Even Emma, stoic as she was. Her hair, again, backlit like a halo.

Killian’s eyes slid to the horizon again because it was his most instinctive reaction. He remembered Liam saying, “Keep a weather eye on it.” The water was like a palette cleanse because it brought back nearly every family memory Killian had. The good, time spent in the navy with Liam; the bad, like the shipwreck the EVA’s crew rescued him from; and the unmentionables Killian preferred not to remember at all. Finally, he turned to ask,

“Why are you so tense, Princess?”

“It feels like if I don’t move at all, nothing bad can happen.”

“Yeah, it’s calming, isn’t it?”

“I can see why you love it.”

“I do.”

“It’s really all I know about you,” Emma admitted. “Everything is water.” That’s why everything Emma drew had been water-based, he realized. The ship, the mermaid—even swans had to float in water.

“It’s all you need to know,” Killian quipped in return. She sighed.

“I don’t need to tell you anything about me. What you don’t know, you could probably guess.”

“Aye, I probably could,” Killian agreed.

“Alright, so ask me a question,” Princess Emma said. Killian raised an eyebrow.

“What?”

“Any question. One question.”

“Right, then …” Killian trailed off. What did he really want to know? Why her previous lover left? No, he already knew. Why King David didn’t like him? Clear as day—Killian was sleeping with his only daughter, in a manner of speaking. Why she was so closed to love? Again, ex-lover. With that, he could empathize.

“Why do they call you Emma Swan?” He asked.

“Hah!” Princess Emma laughed aloud. “All the questions you could’ve asked.”

“As you said, Princess, much else I can guess.”

“It’s a nickname,” She shrugged. “My parents are the Charmings; it’s kind of their thing. I’m just Emma. My father used to call me several things. Nugget, angel, pumpkin … Swan stuck.” Killian smiled,

“It’s nice to see you can be a bit normal.”

“I am totally normal. So normal,” Emma contested.

“Right. Getting captured by a siren, going catatonic, and re-splitting a soul bond with your light magic while battling the darkness. I forgot, you’re totally normal,” Killian laughed. Emma smiled.

“I suppose you’re right. What about you, then?”

“What about what?” Killian asked. Emma turned to face him and said,

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.’ She stuck out her right arm and Killian mimicked the gesture. Emma’s fell back to her side and Killian followed suit.

“You know, it was the first thing I noticed,” She admitted. “I saw her name and I knew, I knew I’d be your second.”

“As I am yours,” Killian said. Emma nodded.

“Of course, but it felt different. How could I possibly live up to someone you chose willingly? You are stuck with me, whether we want to admit it or not.”

“Emma, I couldn’t be rid of you if I tried. I’m fine with it, I’m fine with you. I actually quite enjoy you. When you need me to be brave, I’ll be it because I feel your need in my blood. You are with me every waking moment.”

“So tell me about her.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because you owe me that!”

“You’ve told me nothing about your former … Partner.” The word felt dirty in Killian’s mouth, and, judging by Princess Emma’s reaction, it didn’t sit terribly well with her either.

“Honesty hour, then?”

“Ladies first,” Killian insisted. Princess Emma sighed.

“His name was Neal. We were happy together for awhile, until he learned I had magic. I don’t even remember how it happened, it was so benign. Then he grew distant and closed off. It was like he didn’t want me to know much about him, like I could use his weaknesses against him.

“Eventually, it became clear he wasn’t my soulmate. It would have manifested very early on, and it hadn’t. Knowing you—well, not you personally, but that another man was out there for me, really got to him. As it should have, I guess. I mean, why stay with someone when you know there isn’t a future?”

“Aye, that … That’s a question,” Killian stuttered. Emma carried on,

“Eventually he asked me whether I would ever consider giving up my magic for him. If he could find a way, would I give it up?”

“Then you tossed him out your window, yeah?” Killian asked. Emma laughed and wiped away a tear that had begun to escape. “Or did you think it would be okay to give it up?”

“I considered it,” She admitted. “It would mean I’d be free to choose him. Choice, lieutenant, is something I want above pretty much everything else. But then I realized not having a happy ending is terrible, and giving someone unrealistic expectations is far worse.

“My parents, fate, everyone believes my happy ending is you, so I would have given you up before even meeting you. I told Neal I wouldn’t disappoint him anymore. Then I told him my magic is part of me and he needed to respect that or get out of my life entirely.”

“And he did,” Killian guessed.

“And he did,” Emma confirmed. Killian wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Emma buried her face in his side, which was becoming habit, it seemed.

“Milah was my first love, that’s true. Five years ago, when I was nineteen, I was still running away from my brother’s death. I blamed myself and ran into Milah in a tavern while drowning myself in rum. She was ten years older, but somehow things happened; I buried myself in her. We were together after that for a long time. Well, a few months, at least. It felt like the longest, best time I could have had. I didn’t feel I deserved anything and Milah was able to love me in spite of that.

“I loved her and she felt like … I thought maybe she could give me a home. We could be together, be happy. She wouldn’t do it, though. Milah was manipulating me from the start. I did everything for her, anything she wanted. She wouldn’t commit to me and, eventually, I found out she had a husband and a son.”

“Oh, Killian!”

“She, um, she was using me. It was heartbreaking because she’d told me all about how strong I was to overcome loss and abandonment and it was really … She considered it toward the end, I think. But taking her away from her family would mean condemning them to a fate I endured, and that was unacceptable. She loved me when I thought nobody else could. And if that’s the type of person I attract, what’s the use in loving anymore?”

“My parents would tell you no goodness will come of apathy.”

“What would you tell me?”

“I’d tell you I know how hard it is to move on. Moving on from someone is difficult, even if they made you want to forget everything you love about yourself.”

“It shouldn’t be.”

“But it is.”

“Why is it?” Killian looked at Princess Emma with pain in his eyes. “I look at you and you’re this gorgeous, ethereal princess whom the fates have destined me to fall in love with. How can I possibly be mad? You are everything I can and should want. You understand my past—what I’ve told you anyway—and have a loving family. Not to mention actual light magic.

“But when I look at you, all that is clouded by fear. I’m so afraid that if I give myself to you, it’s going to be Milah all over again. You could leave me, lie to me, try to control me, and it’s so difficult to trust you knowing the power you have.”

“That’s almost exactly what Neal said,” Emma replied, looking away. Killian grabbed her face in his hands and forced her gaze toward him.

“I need you to look at me and promise me you’re never going to do that.” Emma took a deep breath and said,

“I promise I will never try to control you.” Killian dropped his hands.

“Thank you, Emma.”

“The funny thing is, I never would have thought to do it,” Emma said after awhile. “You said I’m under your skin and I am not leaving. I don’t have to use magic for you to understand what I want.”

“Aye, that’s a fair point.”

“I’m just disappointed.”

“Disappointed?”

“You’re frightened of me, of my magic.”

“Bloody hell, love, of course not!”

“But you made me promise—“

“All I’ve seen you do is fight against the darkness, Swan. That’s amazing, and you need powerful magic to do it. I’m glad you’ve got it, otherwise I would’ve lost you. But I don’t know you well enough to know with all certainty that you wouldn’t manipulate me somehow. It’s the one thing Milah did, hiding her family from me, that made me hate her. It changed the way I see the world, Emma.”

“I just don’t want it to change the way you see me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this in the airport Starbucks. It's not where I wanted to end it, but my flight is about to board. Thank you all so much, sincerely, for commenting and reading and leaving kudos. It's so nice to see even one person enjoying my stories. Comments and criticism always welcome!


	8. Part VIII

“Swan, I promise I will never see you as anything less than you are,” Killian said before turning away. The conversation suddenly became too honest. Princess Emma kicked off her shoes, threw off her jacket, and ran to the end of the pier before Killian could think to ask what she was doing. She jumped into the water and he strode to the pier’s edge, watching the ripples cascade across the otherwise smooth surface.

Emma didn’t resurface for several seconds. Killian finally realized she was, once again, not herself.

“Goddamn it, Swan! One day,” He groaned, kicking off his borrowed shoes and pulling the borrowed shirt over his head. “Can we just have one day?” He dove into the water gracelessly, hell-bent on finding Princess Emma as quickly as possible.

The water was quite clear, a small stream of bubbles led him directly to her. Princess Emma was rigid, her arms tense at her sides. Her eyes were hidden again by a milky white film. Killian wrapped an arm around her waist and began to kick toward the surface.

_Faster. Faster. She needs me to go faster._ He couldn’t tell how he knew, but Emma needed him to surface immediately. His hold on her slackened as he quickened the pace. The surface was just there …

And he pushed Emma through.

.oOo.

Queen Snow, in an effort to take her mind from whatever was plaguing Emma, had set about listing the things Lieutenant Jones would need to learn to become Prince Killian of Misthaven. While he understood the queen’s need to disassociate, he didn’t care about learning royal dances or the intricacies of life in the palace or even his newfound rank aboard any Misthaven vessel. Emma’s problem ate at him. He felt her fear clawing at his mind’s edge, something he constantly pushed away in favour of working toward a more permanent solution.

“You need to do something!” Killian exclaimed, running his hands through his hair. King David looked at him, equally exasperated.

“Short of finding who is doing this to her, I know of only one way to break a curse.” Killian’s face lit up.

“Name it,” He demanded. “Name it, and it’s done.” King David shook his head, and he looked to Queen Snow.

“No, Lieutenant. I fear telling you would only hinder you further,” Snow chimed in.

“I don’t understand.”

“I will tell you, you can do it. You can save her,” King David said earnestly. Killian could hear it in his voice that he believed Killian could do it. There was something King David was hiding, and Killian couldn’t trust it. Angrily, he turned and skulked out of the room. Killian felt defeated, more than anything. The day had begun with such promise and again Princess Emma had fallen prey to whatever darkness he assumed had gone dormant.

Anger was palpable. Killian had fed on it for so long, anger needed nothing to penetrate his mind’s defenses. He stormed up the stairs, hoping for something to come to him. Praying for resolve, praying for Emma’s safety, and hoping beyond all hope that Emma could one day love him as he knew at some point he’d fallen in with her.

Princess Emma’s bedchamber was surrounded by guards, there as much to keep people out as to keep the princess in. Her balcony stunt hadn’t gone unnoticed. Killian barreled past the guards and flung open the door to see Princess Emma pacing around her room.

“Need to hit something?” He asked. Emma stilled, then turned to face him.

“You too?” Killian nodded in reply. Princess Emma made her way over to him, stopping when they were only two feet apart. His anger turned to something else, then. Something … needier. A smirk slowly spread across his face and the princess took a step back. Killian bowed and held out a hand.

“May I have this dance?” He asked. Emma raised an eyebrow and hesitantly took his hand.

“There’s no music.”

“Don’t need any,” Killian muttered, pulling Princess Emma closer. “The waltz, milady. You know of it?”

“Of course,” And she did. Killian put his arms out in his portion of the frame, his left hand holding Emma’s and his right splayed across the center of her back. They’d been closer than this, much closer in proximity. They’d slept under the same sheets, but the defined space between them introduced a new tension—one darkness wouldn’t dare permeate.

“Shall we dance?” Killian asked. Princess Emma nodded, and they began to leisurely sway around the room.

“Your mother seems to think I will require dancing lessons before accompanying you to our first ball together.”

“Where did you learn to dance, Lieutenant?”

“One day, Swan, I’ll tell you all about my life of crime.”

“No, really. Tell me,” Emma said, locking her eyes on his. Killian refused to look away even under such prying scrutiny.

“In the first four years after my falling out with Milah, I lived in several different kingdoms. Everyone has different customs, but everyone has galas and everyone needs to learn to dance. I had a young, very pretty lass teach me the basics. Quite handsy, that one,” Killian remembered fondly. That earned him a stomp on the toes.

“Oi, love! Alright, apologies.” They continued to make their way around the room, slowly, then back again. “Then I’d make my way, teaching dances to anyone who wanted lessons. Rum costs money, Swan. I had to make a living.”

“Quite smart, actually,” Emma replied. Killian smiled,

“You think so?” Emma nodded.

“I haven’t felt the darkness anywhere for awhile,” She said.

“Figured this might take your mind off it, Swan. I just want you to be well. Depending on me to look after you isn’t how either one of us envisions our future together, I think.”

“You want a future together?” Emma asked. Killian rolled his eyes,

“Emma, I don’t know how long you’re going to keep marching me in circles around this. Aye, I have feelings for you. Strange, unknowable feelings. Soulbonded feelings. We should change the subject, as I need something to calm me down before I run back to the throne room and demand more answers about this bloody mess.” Princess Emma looked up at him with hooded eyes.

“Are you calm?” Killian’s eyes narrowed. He licked his lips and moved both his hands to Emma’s waist. She stilled beneath his palms, her eyes not moving from his.

“No, love. I am most definitely not calm.”

“Tell me something,” Emma commanded. Killian’s mouth went dry as he forced out,

“Anything.”

“Why didn’t you fight for Milah if you loved her so much?” Killian shrugged.

“I hoped there was someone out there who would love me better. Choose me over anyone else.” Killian smiled wistfully. “I suppose it didn’t work out quite as planned.”

“Would you fight for me?”

“Against the darkness, against a siren, against another kingdom, but never to force your hand, Swan. I would never do that to you. But a man unwilling to fight for what he wants, deserves what he gets. I will do what it takes to deserve you.”

Emma’s hand found the back of Killian’s neck and pulled him closer. This kiss was much slower than their last, wordlessly agreeing they could accept the hand fate had dealt. Killian realized this and cupped the back of Princess Emma’s head, trying to bring her even closer for fear she’d pull away too soon. He wanted to stay just like that for ages, his mouth against Emma’s soft lips, moving like she knew each nerve and pressure point. Her free hand twined itself in the one remaining on her waist—then everything changed.

There was a spark. Not at all unpleasant, but different. Like Killian’s world had been turned upside down and Princess Emma was at the center as though she was the reason it kept spinning. Emma did pull away then, her face a mirror image of his own. Then her eyes widened and she smiled before leaping to kiss him again. Killian caught her with an arm around the waist, but she pulled back again, much more violently.

“OH!” She shouted. “Oh, that witch!” She screamed. Princess Emma stalked toward the doors and flung them open before shouting at the guards, “I’m going to the throne room.” Killian followed her out.

“Emma! Emma!” He ran after her. “Swan, what is going on?” Emma turned on him.

“I know who cursed me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry it took so long to add a new chapter! The last one will be up soon. Comments and criticism are always welcome, especially as it feels like I've kind of lost my hold on Killian a bit. That's one of the reasons I've been wary about writing these last few parts. Again, feedback would be lovely, and thank you so much for reading.


	9. Part IX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Christmas! Wow, has this been a long ride. Much longer than I anticipated, but I hope you all have enjoyed it as much as I've loved writing it. As usual, it's edited with my bff Spellcheck and was not beta-ed, so apologies for any grammar or spelling errors.

Killian could tell Emma was more angry than relieved at figuring out who was forcing her into the darkness. Perhaps anger wasn’t the best word, more like bitterness tinged with disappointment. Or betrayal? Her emotions were chaotic and jumbled so Killian gave up trying to sort through them and followed her downstairs.

There were three rooms in the palace Killian considered himself familiar with: Emma’s bedroom, the royal study, and the throne room. When Emma made a couple familiar turns, he realized he was in for another meeting with the king and queen.

“Emma, are you going to be alright?” No response. “Will you at least tell me what’s going on?” He asked.

“In a minute,” Emma said, coming to a stop in front of her parents. Killian bowed and the guards who had followed kneeled.

“Rise,” King David commanded, and Killian straightened his spine. Emma turned to a guard and said,

‘I’m thirsty. Get Mallory and a cup of hot chocolate for me.” The guard immediately set off for the kitchen.

Looking at Princess Emma then was entirely different from how he’d seen her before. She was no longer dark, if she ever fully was. She stood before the highest authority in all the land in a too-big sweater, pants, and woolen socks. Her hair was pulled into a half-hearted ponytail and she should have passed as no more than the average commoner.

No, this Emma was pulsating with rage, and her expression gave nothing away. Killian felt otherwise imperceptible tremors because his skin was so close to hers, and he’d become rather familiar with her physical ticks. She stood straight, with a commanding presence she exuded even in such nondescript clothes. She was all light, exuding power and confidence he hadn’t seen before. This Emma didn’t depend on Killian. This was Princess Emma.

He felt more than saw her shoulders tense as she explained,

“You are my parents and I love you, but sometimes you are too trusting for anyone’s good.”

“You look much better,” King David replied.

“Yes. I am better,” Emma confirmed.

“You did it?” Queen Snow asked.

“He did it.” Emma nodded toward Killian. Queen Snow went misty-eyed and rose from her seat to take Killian into a hug.

“Congratulations!” She smiled.

Killian mouthed, “Swan?” Over the queen’s shoulder, asking for answers. Emma shook her head and mouthed, “Lather,” in reply. Snow pulled away then—Queen Snow, Killian corrected his internal monologue. He found it difficult to remember when it almost felt like she had just welcomed him into the family.

“Could someone tell me what’s going on, please?” Killian asked.

“You don’t—“ Queen Snow began, but Emma raised a hand.

“Silence.”

Queen Snow looked so stunned she took a step back. King David stood and said,

“Emma Swan, you will not speak to your mother—“

“This is your fault!” Emma said. Killian surveyed her, assuming she would lose her cool and begin shouting. She didn’t.

“This is your fault,” She repeated emphatically. “You knew Regina wanted revenge and allowed her freedom anyway. You knew!”

“Emma, there is no way Regina could have cursed you. We would have noticed if she had entered the castle,” King David insisted.

“But you didn’t,” Emma replied. “You didn’t because you had the fairies put protection spells on every entrance except the servants’ quarters.”

“They would have told us if Regina snuck in,” The queen said.

“Unless it wasn’t her. Unless it was a young lady who had lost her family and had nowhere to go. Unless we welcomed her into service with open arms. Unless she tricked us this entire time, having access to all the ingredients she could ask for. Unless she became my most trusted maid.”

The guard returned with Princess Emma’s handmaiden in tow, the girl clutching a steaming cup of cocoa.

“Your highnesses,” Mallory (Killian assumed) curtsied. She looked to Emma and was met with stony eyes.

“Drink it,” She demanded. Mallory, apparently, looked at her, confused.

“It’s for you, Princess.”

“Drink it,” Emma commanded. A mischievous smirk crossed Mallory’s features.

“You were very slow,” She said. A plume of purple smoke began at her feet and grew until it engulfed her wholly. When it dissipated, what remained could hardly be classified as evil or regal. Killian had difficulty imagining that woman could have ever been a queen. Killian would be the first to admit he’d been through rough times. But even at his lowest, when he’d truly wanted to kill himself, he didn’t feel as bad as she looked.

Her clothes were black and purple with tight leather that might have accentuated curves when she had them. She just looked sunken—defeated. Her hair fell limply over her shoulders and her eyes looked nothing short of dead.

“Regina?” Queen Snow asked. Killian hadn’t noticed when King David had stepped down and placed himself between Snow and Regina.

_Queens._

“Are you happy now?” Regina asked, her breath going heavy. “You see what you’ve done to me.”

“You brought this on yourself, Regina,” King David said. Her eyes remained on Snow as though she hadn’t heard him.

“Can’t you see now, Regina? Using true love to ruin someone’s life only makes them stronger,” Snow said pityingly.

“That, I know.” Regina smiled wickedly and a fireball appeared in her hand. The king further shielded the queen, quickly backpedaling. Then Regina turned her gaze to Killian. Before he could react, Emma was in front of him with her own glowing ball of light.

“Don’t push me, Princess,” Regina warned.

“Don’t test me,” Emma countered.

“Don’t you want to know how I did it?”

Killian was hit with a rush of memories. Every time Emma had an attack she had cocoa.

_To hide the taste, of course!_

The strange look on Mallory’s face when he pulled Emma from her intended jump?

_Disappointment!_

Trying to distract him with the washcloth when he’d been on the cusp of figuring out the vengeance wasn’t against Emma, but her parents.

“I know,” Emma said. The guards began to converge, then, but were thrown back by an invisible barrier. None of them were able to reach Regina.

“What do you plan to do about it?” She taunted, though it was obviously very taxing for her. Then Killian noticed something clutched in Emma’s hand.

“I have been on a few adventures. As it turns out, I know a guy,” Emma said, tossing whatever was in her hand across the room.

“His name is Tiny.”

Killian realized it was a portal bean at the same moment Emma yelled at him to,

“Get back!”

“Swan?”

“Get back, I’ve got this!” She shouted. “Ask for forgiveness, Regina. Give up the darkness and I call off the portal,” Emma continued.

“No!” Regina responded, a fireball appearing in her hand. She turned to face Queen Snow and King David, who stepped forward to further cover his wife.

“You can be a good person, Regina. People are going to tell you who you are for the rest of your life. You will always be the Evil Queen unless you fight against that and say, ‘No, this is who I am!’ I know that, and I know you know. Without dark magic you are a good person. Give it up and we will forgive you.”

“You know nothing, Emma,” Regina said. “You only got a taste of what I can do.”

“And you know nothing about what I am capable of. The power you have? I don’t need.” Regina smiled maliciously and said,

“You don’t know the power I have,” before returning her gaze to Killian and raising her hand with the fireball. Queen Snow reached over her husband’s shoulder, then held onto him like she was about to collapse.

“Please, Regina. We can help you; we will help you! You can be the good person I know you were once!” Snow pleaded. Regina scowled in return.

“You think I want _your_ help doing anything ever again? You ruined my life! You took love away from me, and since I can’t return the favour, I’ll take it from her,” Regina said and threw a fireball in Killian’s direction. White light flew from Emma’s hands and deflected it, though Killian ducked reflexively.

“Are you alright, Emma?” He asked, but she appeared not to hear.

“You brought this on yourself,” Emma said as the plume of green smoke finally reached Regina and wrapped around her middle. Regina went limp then, completely defeated. Emma’s hands fell to her hips and she watched as Regina was pulled into the portal.

King David had a hand in Queen Snow’s hair as she silently sobbed into his shoulder. Emma began giving orders to the palace guards, who ran in one direction. Killian couldn’t do anything except catch his breath, running a hand through his hair. Emma turned to face him and he ran toward her.

“Oi, love, you are magnificent,” He said, wrapping her in a hug. Blushing, she returned the hug and said,

“I didn’t want you to see it like that.”

“What?”

“Light magic. That’s not what it is about.”

“Corralling darkness isn’t what it’s about? Well, I value my life so we’ll call it fair play,” Killian joked, pulling back just enough to look at Emma. She seemed rejuvenated. He felt her validation. It was a good feeling.

“I wanted to show you the little things. You know, turn your hair colours or make your boots lace themselves up. Or tie themselves together so you fall over …” Emma laughed. Killian smiled because it sounded genuine.

“Where’d you send the remainder of your audience?” He asked.

“Downstairs to throw away all the hot chocolate ingredients. Then they’ll be out to buy more.”

“You have a sweet tooth, Emma Swan.”

“I do.”

“And, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you had a bit of a soft spot for me. Jumping in to save me from danger like that, love,” Killian teased, smirking.

“Of course I do,” Emma replied.

“How did you do it?” Killian asked. “Break the curse, I mean. You are free, now, aren’t you? I’ve never seen you like this.”

“Like what?”

“I dunno, love. Happy? Free?”

“I feel free,” Emma smiled. “The only person I should need to save me is me.”

“I don’t mind doing it every now and then, but it’ll be nice to have a break,” Killian said, smiling, before pressing his lips to hers in a chaste, happy kiss. They broke apart and Emma’s parents smiled at them, Snow a little sadly.

“Congratulations,” She said again. “I’m so glad to see you happy.”

“What’s going on?” Killian asked. “I’m still not understanding what happened.”

“True love’s kiss can break any curse, Lieutenant,” Kind David added. Killian dropped his arms from around Emma and took a step backward. He shut down.

_What?_

Then he began to feel shame and an emotional pain not his own. Killian glanced at Emma whose face had crumpled. Her mouth was partially open in an unconscious gesture of confusion. Her eyes, though, her eyes betrayed the hurt.

“Emma—“ Killian reached for her, but Princess Emma turned her back to him and strode outside. Killian looked at the king and queen.

“I don’t know what to do,” He admitted. Killian’s instinct was to run after Emma. His second reaction was to leave and forget everything holding him in Misthaven, though both his body and his mind would never allow that to happen. Then he looked to Queen Snow.

“What do I do?”

“You’ve already done it,” She smiled. A real smile, this time. None of the Regina contact sadness visible on her features.

“I kissed Emma, that I will admit to,” Killian said. “But when I met you a month ago, I told you I wasn’t completely honest. I have things in my past I don’t know if I’m ready to move on from. There was … There was someone I’m not ready to move on from.”

“That’s not true,” King David insisted. Killian raised his voice in reply,

“What do you know?! You haven’t trusted me since I got here, though you’ve got every reason to. You think I’m a dishonourable, lowly lieutenant unworthy of your daughter and if what I just saw is any indication that may very well be the case. But I have tried to be the best man I can be under the circumstances here! I told you up-front. I told you! I told Emma!

“It has been a month. I’ve known Emma a few days now, and falling in love takes so much more than that. So much. I’m willing to try, truly, I am, but—“

“That’s it, then,” King David said. “That’s all you needed.”

“If you’ve accepted Emma, agreed to try to work this out, that’s all she needed. Everything you need is everything you are, nothing more,” Queen Snow said. “Believing even in the possibility of a happy ending is a very powerful thing, Killian.”

.oOo.

Princess Emma was leaning against the castle wall in the courtyard like she was waiting for Killian. He had a feeling this would be a painful conversation, but one he needed to have. The entire royal family seemed to be under the delusion he could forget everything he’d become prior to being Emma’s soulmate. As though Milah’s betrayal didn’t affect everything he did, wasn’t a cloud over every positive thought.

Killian approached with caution.

_Tread carefully._

“Princess Emma?”

“We’re back to ‘Princess,’ are we?” Emma quipped.

“You’ve always been princess, love.”

“Oh, it’s love now? You seem to go back and forth on that quite a bit, Lieutenant.”

“Back to ‘Lieutenant,’ are we?” Killian said.

“You know what you are to me,” Emma said.

“Aye, I know what you think of me.”

“Killian,” Emma pleaded, the angry façade wilting. “I know what you’ve done for me, you’ve told me what you’ve been through, what you’ve done. For all of it, I love you!”

“How can you?! How can you possibly?” He was angry now.

_Why can’t you understand? Why can’t you see?_

“Because you—“

“Did what I felt I had to do. What I needed to do, Emma. I needed to save you for my own good. I do like you Emma, I promise. But you can’t rush this,” Killian gestured between the two of them. “I’ve never had anyone, Emma. No one’s ever just been there because they wanted to be.

“The only person who ever cared was my brother, Liam. And he did it out of familial responsibility. I lost him, it was my fault he’s dead, and I’ll carry that the rest of my life. The idea anyone would want to be with me after that, Emma—“

“But I do!” Emma insisted.

“No, you have to be with me.”

“I want to be.”

“It’s going to take some time for me to understand that. It’s going to take time for me to feel that because I’ve spent twenty-four years knowing otherwise,” Killian said. Emma shook her head in disbelief, her fingers curling over the ends of her sweater as she began biting a thumbnail, deep in thought.

“I just … I just don’t understand,” She finally said. “You can say these things, and I know you love me because otherwise I’d still be cursed. Or, at least, you’ll love me eventually. I shouldn’t doubt it, but it’s hard for me to believe it anyway. You are stuck with me, Killian, and I don’t know how you can prove to me you’ve gotten over that,” She admitted.

“God, Emma, that’s not what this is.”

“Well I don’t know if I can trust you, if you can’t find it in you to trust me.”

“I will, Emma. With time, I promise I will do my best.”

Silence. Killian shifted awkwardly, but waited for Emma to respond. It took ages, and when she finally spoke, it did little to ease Killian’s mind.

“Are we always going to be like this?” Emma asked. Killian did not respond.

“Aren’t we always going around in circles? I’m under your skin, you’re in my head, but neither of us are there. Like … _there_.”

_There?_

_Oh. There._

“But we’ll both get there, right? We’ll both get there,” Killian asked. He knew he would. He knew he would get there, but would Emma?

She nodded.

“Okay, love, promise me you’ll get there,” Killian insisted.

“I love you, Killian,” Emma began. “And I promise eventually I will trust your love for me.”

Killian nodded. He paced a bit, thinking.

_Can I do this? Do I want to do this? I feel like I want to, but can I trust my feelings? Can I trust my emotions or is this a mistake I’m to blind to see? No, I’ve got to believe in the possibility of a happy ending for myself. Emma won’t have a happier ending with anyone else, according to the powers that be._

_But can I be that?_

Killian took a sharp breath in, exhaled, then held out his right arm.

“Take it,” He said. Emma looked at him quizzically.

“What?”

“I can prove to you I’m at least ready to move on. So take it,” Killian said, nodding toward the tattoo on his forearm. Emma’s eyes widened.

“I don’t know what will happen if I try,” She admitted. Killian replied,

“I can take it.”

“I’ll have to magically burn it off,” She continued.

“Emma, for the love of all that is fate could you please just do as I ask before I change my mind?” Which, as seconds ticked on, became a serious likelihood. Emma grabbed his wrist rather forcefully and Killian stiffened.

“Do it, love.”

“If it gets to be too much, just walk away,” Emma said.

“Do it,” Killian insisted through clenched teeth.

Emma stared at his arm with intense concentration, narrowing her eyes and scrunching her nose in a way Killian thought was quite adorable—

Until the pain began.

It was like pinpricks at first. In those first moments he tricked himself into believing that was the height of the threshold. His forearm muscles flexed as the pinpricks became more numerous. The end of the tattoo, the tip of the dagger, had disappeared entirely.

_It’s working!_

As more of the tattoo vanished from his arm, it left bright-red raised skin in its wake. The pinpricks became more like scrapes. Like someone was taking the blade of a knife and scraping off layer after layer of skin. As the entirety of the dagger disappeared the pain skyrocketed and felt like hellfire. It felt like his skin was boiling and bubbling and Killian grit his teeth so hard he nearly bit his tongue off.

“Gah!” He shouted, forcefully removing his arm from Emma’s grasp. He practically ran away from her, pacing, breathing heavily. When the pain subsided into more of a numbness, he returned to Emma and once again offered his arm. A quick glance showed only the heart and “Milah” remained. He breathed in through his teeth and said,

“Again.”

Emma took his wrist much quicker that time and went right back to work.

There were no pinpricks or scrapes, it was only fire as the outer edges of the heard faded to red skin. Killian was sweating and groaning, and it was obviously very taxing for Emma to keep going when he was obviously in so much pain.

God, it was excruciating. Not only the emotional toll of forgoing the love he’d held onto for years, but it was so painful his fingernails digging into his palm were a welcome distraction.

Emma’s hand wavered, mirroring her concentrated efforts. But Killian could not think about how difficult controlling the process must be, because every part of his brain was focused on the pain. The heart vanished, but not soon enough. Killian collapsed on the ground, his breath coming in heavy bursts like he’d been kicked in the stomach.

Princess Emma knelt on the ground next to him.

“We can stop,” She said gently, but Killian shook his head.

“No,” He forced out. “Finish it.” The only remainder was the “Milah” script. Emma looked Killian in the eyes and asked, unspoken, if he was sure. Killian closed his eyes and nodded.

Killian thought the hellfire pain was the threshold but it wasn’t. The blow to his arm was so swift he’d been sure Emma cut it off. But as soon as it came, it was over. Killian glanced down and his arm was nearly purple, swollen to almost twice its size. He breathed heavily, slumped, and rested his head on Emma’s shoulder. She cupped the back of his head and kissed his forehead.

“Thank you,” She said. Killian could do nothing but nod. Finally, he said,

“Your tattoo we can keep.” Emma laughed and replied,

“Good, because I don’t think I could do that to myself.”

“I’d never let you,” Killian replied.

Then there was kissing. Killian was pretty sure he initiated it, but he was rather woozy.

_Kisses to calm the pain, of course._

They were rather lazy. Killian followed Emma’s lead, as she had more energy to use. He was tapped out, but he could live off Emma’s kisses for days. She tasted heavenly, sugary-sweet. Much different from the bite of rum he usually enjoyed to numb the pain.

.oOo.

The ball to officially welcome the Arendelle royal family had become more of Killian and Emma’s introduction to royal society. Heads of all the nearby kingdoms hastened to make their way to the Charming part of the Enchanted Forest. Killian was surprisingly unperturbed by the news.

“Why should I be?” He asked. “I’m more concerned about falling over myself because of that dress,” Killian admitted. He eyed Emma up and down more than once. Her blonde hair, as always, was impressively put up in an intricate braid. Emma wore a bright red dress, ensuring she would be the centre of attention. It dipped low in the front, its long sleeves bearing false modesty. The reverse dipped scandalously low, exposing no less than two-thirds of her back. Killian was prepared to remove the hand of anyone who dared press their fingertips too far below her shoulder blades.

Not that he was to blend in. Quite the opposite, as someone scrupulously worked seventy hours straight to make a black-and-red ensemble to complement Emma’s. His dress shirt, waistcoat, and pants were solid black. The base of his greatcoat was also black, but sewn into it was an intricate pattern of red swans. Emma’s jaw dropped open at the sight of it, because the gaps between the swans formed black lightning bolts. Killian had gone down to compliment and thank the seamstress personally because it was the most elegant thing he could ever imagine wearing.

_On Emma’s arm, I damn well better be._

They had met at the top of the staircase and began to descend.

“You look lovely, Swan,” Killian smiled. Emma blushed and replied,

“As do you, Captain.”

“Aye, I believe my entire crew is here, if you can believe it! Wonder who dressed that poor lot,” Killian joked. Emma laughed.

“There isn’t a lot of time, but you remember all the dances, yes?”

“Of course, love.”       

“Right. You’ve already met Mulan, Elsa, Ana, and Kristoff. I’ll introduce you to Aurora, Philip, Katherine, Frederick, and Merida. Also, my mom’s friend Red is coming and she’ll want to meet you.”

“Emma?”

“Yes?”

“I’m going to be just fine. This isn’t the hard part,” Killian admitted. Emma nodded. Though both of them wore sleeves, the only marking that linked them was Emma’s flower tattoo. All others had been washed—or magically burned—away. Killian inhaled once they reached the bottom of the stairs and the ballroom doors opened. A disembodied voice announced,

“Presenting Prince Killian Jones and,” Killian beamed with pride and had to suppress the urge to kiss Emma then and there, thankful to finally be in her company as, “Her Royal Highness, Princess Emma Swan.”

As they stepped through the doors and into the crowds of clapping and “aaaw”ing admirers, Killian jokingly whispered,

“Try not to lose me amongst all these other wealthy bastards, love.”

“Don’t worry, Killian. I will always find you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking it out 'til the end!! As always, comments and criticism are most welcome.


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